Home. Home is where the heart is. Every month my heart gets planted and rooted in a new country, a new land, and I am able to call it home. I remember when this race first started, I remember how hard it was to leave Azua and I remember wondering if every month would be like that month. Would every month be that hard to leave? Would I cry my heart out for the people and the nation the way I cried for Azua? Nine months later I can say yes. I still cry when I leave every country and I still leave a piece of my heart in the country and with the people I have met. I have families in every country and I pray one day I will see them again.
When I first answered God’s call to join the World Race I was completely focused on all God would be doing in the nations and in the lands we traveled to. I momentarily thought there would be a slight change in me. I thought I would change in ways such as learning how to do without the things I’m used to and for me, learning how to camp. I knew I would grow closer to God and I knew He desired to show me so much, but I honestly had no idea this would be a trip focused on molding and creating a new woman. Within the first month God was revealing new spiritual gifts in me and revealing they had nothing to do with me. Month two God blew me away with casting out demons and seeing a new spiritual realm, again the revelation it had nothing to do with me. Month three God spoke to me like never before and shared His desires with me, planting them in the depths of my heart. Month four He grew me in compassion and expanding the spiritual gifts. Month five He gave me the desires of my heart, the opportunity to work with the prostitution ministry in Thailand. Along with that He allowed me a glimpse into the darker world, a world that most people NEVER get to see; a world behind the scenes of the bars and into a world that is closed, human trafficking. Month six God revealed to me how He can and will make the desire He planted in my heart in month three come to pass. God allowed me to be in the front lines of medical missions and this watered the seed planted in month three. In month seven God broke my heart for the orphaned and the children I never knew I could love. He stripped away sin I had refused to let go of and He replaced it with praise, worship and a desire and hunger for Him and for His word. He taught me what it means to be in love with all of God’s children. In month eight God brought me to a new place of obedience. A place where all my heart desired was the Lord and to be obedient to what He has said. God revealed fears I walked in and showed me how to overcome them. God dug up lies I had been living in and walking in for years, some lies I had been living in since childhood. Then, God walked me through what I needed to do to no longer walk in those lies and walk in His truth and in His love and in His word. And now, month nine, I am not entirely sure what God is doing. We arrived and were told our ministry would be serving, serving the Fracker family and serving our squad. I was excited and delighted! I loved the idea of serving others and of cooking and cleaning, things I absolutely love doing (now that I’m on the race)! So for the first few days that is what I did. I served and I cooked and I cleaned and I enjoyed every moment of it. On the first Sunday I went to church service and even sang in the choir. I really enjoyed it! And then Monday came along and it was our first time to be able to go to town and what happens? I fall in a ditch and break my foot. So, for the last 2 weeks I have on crutches, making trips to the doctors, had to pay for hospital visits and taxi rides and medications, and trying to figure out what God wants from me and what He wants to teach me. I have not been able to serve in the way I desire to. For the first week I had to remain upstairs, alone, depending on every one for everything. I have had to learn how to depend on others for things I would rather do for myself. I have had to depend on my team and on other teams to help me. I have had to learn to receive when I do not want to and I have had to learn how to receive with a joyful heart. I had to come to the hard realization that I am NOT needed for anything. I realized early on the race that I was certainly not needed for anything, but somewhere along the way I picked the idea back up that I was at least needed on my team. But, yet again, God showed me how I am certainly NOT needed. My team did not NEED me to be a servant this month; they were completely capable of doing this on their own. As hard as it was to be reminded of, I am so grateful. I have also realized that finally, finally after years of turning to food as my comfort, I have finally found freedom in that. I no longer see food as my comfort or even as the way to socialize; rather, I see it as something I need to simply sustain me. I praise God for this. For the last several months God has been bringing me through this area of freedom and it’s absolutely beautiful to know that I am no longer held captive.
God is continuing to work, and that truly excites me. I look forward to all He has for the remainder of Romania and the next two months of ministry.
