I am back. Ok, so I have
been back for a 2 weeks now. Wow..time
really flies. From final debrief I have
been trying to sit down and write what I was feeling and finding the words to
really express it. Well, perfecting it
is out so this is what I have. Two weeks
at home, in a small town, where everything seems to be the same. It makes me question sometimes if I didn’t
imagine the last 11 months of my life. I
have to really ask God to reveal more of Himself every moment of the day and I
have been asking for opportunities to me more graceful…and oh is He providing
those opportunities. I have found myself
in the grocery store and being completely overwhelmed by the people that I
actually forget the 3 items that were on my grocery list. My second day back the song “it’s gonna be a
good night” came on while I was in the produce section and I broke down! When I’m with my friends or family I can’t
make decisions so I just order what they order or the first thing I see on the
menu. We went shopping to what once
could have been called my favorite stores…Coach, Gucci, Dooney…and here I have
the opportunity for someone else to buy me what I want and I just couldn’t do
it. First it was a matter of finding
what I liked…so many choices, but then it became a matter of not being able to
handle the thought of sending that much money on a purse! And it didn’t at the purses, it went on with
jewelry, clothes, make up, shoes. I just
kept saying no. I realized even though I
feel sometimes like I’m the same person, God has definitely transformed
me.
I struggle some when my spirit is not peaceful about situations around me. I know that God is calling me to intercede on
behalf of the people in their situations and not calling me to judge or rebuke
them. When I see certain things,
immediately I want to share with them what my spirit is feeling from God, but
He is quick to remind me that I am to speak only when He directs. So I’m learning to follow His directive even
more closely than before.
For the most part I have avoided seeing a lot of people. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not,
but I know that right now time with my family is where I’ve needed to be. I have an uncle who is recovering from a
stroke he had several months ago. He was
completely paralyzed on his right side and a few days ago my mother and I
watched him walk with a cane and two nights ago he was eating chips and
drinking his Sprite with his right hand! Last night he even signed his name using his right hand! God is revealing HIMSELF in every thing! God is reminding me the miraculous did not
stop because I came back to the states. He is reminding me to not lose faith, not to be acceptant to what people
say about miracles not being here, but to proclaim and declare every single act
of my ALMIGHTY GOD, THE GREAT I AM!
My grandfather is also recovering. A few
months ago he had brain surgery for his Parkinson’s disease. When he returned home, he fell and broke his
hip. He had to be taken to a nursing
home/rehabilitation center to do physical therapy and recover. He has been working so hard and from what the
P.T. says and what my parents say, he has improved tremendously. However, he is still unable to care for himself
and he has to move to another nursing home, tomorrow. Discussing this with him was probably the
hardest thing I have even done. However,
God was completely in the midst of it. When I spoke it was not my words that came out, it was not my emotion that
showed, no, it was all God. It was all
The Lord pouring out HIS love and HIS compassion and HIS pain and sorrow for my
grandfather. It was God saying to him, “I am here, let me be your
strength, let me be who you stand on in your weakness, I have suffered and know
what you are feeling.” I am so grateful for
the time the Lord is giving me with my grandfather.
God is providing me with the things I crave, opportunities to minister and pray
with people. I have been told my
numerous people that it’s not appropriate to ask people if I can pray for them,
especially in public, but when God provides the opportunity, who am I to worry
about being politically correct? I am
undignified, I am a fool, and a total and complete crazy person who is madly in
love with Jesus and willing to do anything for Him!
The common question is “So what are you going to do next?” Well I don’t know.
What I do know is
this:
1. God has called me to be a faith
based missionary
2. God has given me an incredible heart
and passion for medical missions.
3. God has given
me a desire for Cambodia and the slums.
4. God has called me to more training.
5. God has called me to G-42.
6. God has called me to steadfast.
7. It is going to be worth it all.
That is the easy part, the harder part is this…I do not know
when any of these things will happen, but I know with NO DOUBT God has ABSOLUTE
PERFECT TIMING for each one of them. I
am not quick to move or quick to act, rather I am quick to wait on Him. The moment He says “GO!” I will. In the mean time, I allow myself to be open
to what He’s doing in the here and now. I allow myself to be sifted, molded and used for whatever HE so
desires. I take every breath and define
every moment as a ministry moment.
I thank each of you so very much for all of your support, both
in prayer and financial. Though I may
have done the physical moving month to month, each one of you is a part of what
God did throughout our lives as well as what He did in the lives of so many
people all over the world. Thank you for
answering God’s calling in your life!
I am working on a short video of my time on the race…that will
be my last blog of the World Race site but if you would like to continue
following my blogs, you can do so at reneeramirez.blogspot.com
Thank you and God Bless!
