It's an understatement to say that's not how I was feeling before my first training camp. With training camp in the air again, I thought there might be some upcoming racers out there digging around looking for any shred of information, insight or hope they can cling to as they prepare for next weekend.
Here's what I wrote a year ago about my experience… future racers, take heart:
In the weeks leading up to training camp I did what most of my squadmates and those who came before us did: incessantly blog stalked current racers and alumni. It's practically a rite of passage I think. And as I began to read their wise advice about the training experience that was ahead, the butterflies in my stomach became more like bats, an uneasiness grew in my heart and a whisper of uncertainty crept into my mind. Why? Because as I scanned blog after blog, it seemed that according to pretty much EVERYONE training camp could be summed up in one word:
HARD.
Or some variation of that word.
difficult
challenging
tears
brokenness
Well crap. That sounds like A LOT of fun, right?
To be fair, the "hard" part was usually followed up with something positive. It typically went like this:
It was the hardest single week of my life. But it was also really, really good!
Maybe it's just me, but after reading that first sentence, I frankly didn't care what came next. Because in my mind, it pretty much negated anything else positive. I'm not saying I signed up for this expecting it to be a piece of cake, but to be honest, I didn't want to have the hardest week ever. I didn't want to feel broken. And I don't particularly enjoy crying either.
And so I spent weeks with a knot in my stomach dreading what was sure to be the worst 10 days of my life to date.
Fast forward through the details. There are a lot of words I could use to sum up my experience at training camp. "Hard" wouldn't make it into the top 100. A few that would…
Exciting.
Refreshing.
Unexpected.
Transforming.
LIFE GIVING.
Did I have to die to myself? Yep.
But that brought unprecedented freedom.
Was some junk stirred up in my heart so it could be cut away? You bet.
But that left more room for the Spirit to speak life into me.
Were there tears shed? A few.
But they were the good kind. The kind that bring release.
I'm not saying other people were wrong to say that it was hard- everyone's experience is different. That's how it's supposed to be. But for me, the incredible parts of training camp eclipsed the hard parts. So much so that when I look back on it, the great stuff is what rises to the top of my memories, and I don't even think to mention the hard stuff.
So, future racer, take heart. Trust that God will meet you where you are and bring you where you need to be. How and when and through what means is up to you and Him. But expect Him to show up. Because He will. And when He does… oh man, it's gonna be GOOD!
