Writing this blog post, I mean.
It's dangerous because putting this out in the open means I can't ignore it anymore. I have to follow up. You'll see what I mean.
This past week as I've been hanging out with the racers on P squad I've been reminded over and over of who I used to be. When I look at them in the one on one conversations, during team time, when we're all hanging out – I see glimpses of the things I walked through. Of the stuff the Lord broke off. Of the struggles I overcame and the things that were stripped off. And I'm so grateful. I'm grateful for the changed perspectives and the paradigm shifts and the revelations and the new realities the Lord opened my eyes to. I'm grateful for the way He has grown and matured me and the dependance on the Lord I've found through brokenness. When I look back at the person I was and the person I am now, those two people are just… different. And I'm so grateful.
But there's also something else I've been noticing lately. I've been trying to push it off and ignore it, but I know I can't. The thing is, as I remember who I was and who I've become, I also remember the
cost.
The truth is, I'm being careful. As I pray I'm tiptoeing around stuff that could casue me pain or too much abandonment because actually, I'm pretty happy witht he way things are right now. I'm happy with where I am, my relationship with the Lord, my gifts, my position, which what I have and who I am…. Do I want more? Of course. But I've been operating as if I'm unsure the cost of more is worth it. So the truth is…
I've been playing it safe.
I've been praying safe prayers and doing safe things. I've been having safe conversations and saking for safe gifts. I've actually stopped myslef in the middle of certain prayers because my brain began to get ahead of my spirit and calculate the cost of what I was praying for. I've started to belive the lie that in order for me to get the good gifts the Lord has for me He'll take away things that might be better – things I don't want to give up. So I've stopped praying those prayers.
Of course I know the reality. Yeah, He might take soem stuff away. He's done it before. But it has ALWAYS been worth it. Because He always gives it back to me in a better package. Or… He just gives me soemthing way better. Always.
So I'm making a declaration. I don't want to live a safe life. I want to pray for
DANGEROUS
things. I want to live dangerously. I want to not love my life so much that I can't give it up for the even greater things of the Kingdom. I know this might cause me pain. It might cause me to shed some stuff and sacrifice some things I don't want to. But I'm declaring that I'm willing to.
Becasue I trust that what the Lord has for me is good and worth it. I trust that everyting He does in me makes me more like Jesus and gives me more of my inheritance. I trust that He'll use me in the best way and that I'll love it.
I trust enought to pray dangerous prayers.
Because I want to be dangerous for the Kingdom.
It's worth it.
So here I am, Lord.
Make me DANGEROUS.
