Today I decided to have an adventure.
Today I packed my car with friends and drove down a windy Georgia road and listened to Christmas music and followed my GPS to a town I’d never been to before.
Today I ate too much German food and accepted too many fudge samples from the nice old man behind the counter that promised eating more would make my stomach feel better.
Today I took lots of photos with my phone and made sure to upload plenty of them to Instagram.
Today I took off my shoes and rolled up my jeans and played in a river. I laughed and jumped around on the rocks and slipped and splashed until my feet were red and my toes were aching from the chilly water.
Today was an oasis of delight.
Nothing – I mean absolutely nothing – about this latest season of my life has been what I expected. How I spend my time, who I spend it with, which relationships have flourished and which ones have withered, what the Lord is teaching me, the emotions I’m feeling – it’s all looked very different than I anticipated a few months ago.
Some of the unexpected things of this season are really, really great. Blessings I never saw coming that have brought delight to my heart. But most of the unexpected things – they’ve actually been pretty hard. And I’ve spent the better part of the last month and a half reeling, trying to figure out what the heck is happening to my life as thing after thing doesn't pan out.
I was talking with a friend the other day, telling her I just wasn’t sure what was going on with me, and she hit the obvious nail on the head: “you’re in a desert season.”
Dangit. I hate the desert season.
I hate it because it’s lonely and it’s dry and it’s unclear and it’s hard.
But there are a few things God’s been teaching me, showing me and reminding me of during this time:
- He is here with me, and even in the desert – well, especially in the desert – He directs my steps (Num. 9:15-23)
- Even in the desert, He provides faithfully (Ex. 16).
- He always keeps His promises (Ps. 145:13).
- And in the desert, the Lord meets me face to face. He shows me his glory. And he gives me rest (Ex. 33:9-18).
These reminders – that have come through scripture, testimonies, and mostly my own experience, have brought me back to one thing:
In the desert is where the Lord builds intimacy.
And boy, have we been building some intimacy. At moments it has sucked. There’s no other way to put it, really. There have been some soul baring, heart wrenching, desperate moments. Moments filled with tears and questions and promises that felt like they had been handed back to me empty and crushed. Moments where I looked Jesus straight in the face and asked some blatant, pointed and downright ballsy questions. Moments where I fought kicking and screaming, and moments where I surrendered if for no other reason than I was just exhausted.
How can those moments, piled on top of each other, not build intimacy? That’s the real stuff, right there. That’s what Jesus wants from us. And sometimes, it takes sitting in the desert for him to get it.
But the unexpected desert season hasn’t been all bad.
There have been some wonderful, beautiful, whimsical moments too. Moments where my Father reminds me how much He loves to give me good gifts. Moments where He delights with me in the loveliest things of life. Moments where He whispers, “let’s have fun today” and the turns me around, uncovers my eyes, and surprises me with a perfect oasis plopped right down in the middle of my desert.
Moments like today.
*** Would you consider making a tax-deductable, year end gift to support the work I've been doing at Adventures in Missions, and my next step of squad leading? I leave the country January 11th and still need to raise more than $5,000.
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Thank you!
