I tried really hard.
To keep my heart guarded. After having my heart smashed to pieces by the children I lived with in Guatemala and their stories, I just didn’t want to let my heart be that soft again. I wasn’t sure I could endure it ten more times.
And so for months, there’s been a careful measure of separation between my heart and those I serve.
But then I got to Cambodia.
And I looked in his eyes.
And saw her innocence.
And his smile.
And her heart.
And her joy.
And I melted.
And even though I spent much of the month resisting in my heart, they wore me down. I let them in.
And as I was covered with hugs and kisses that last day, my heart sank. Because here I was with a hurting heart, saying hello to a hard goodbye. Again.
As I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other and walk away, I stole a glance over my shoulder.
And saw bright eyes, big smiles, little hands still waving, and the love of the Father absolutely covering them.
And with their cheerful goodbyes ringing in my ears and hot tears stinging my eyes, I took a deep breath and realized… it's worth it. If opening my heart means experiencing pain, I still say yes. I say yes because I can't love someone well if I keep a wall up. And if I can't love people well, why am I here?
I say yes. Because it's worth it.
