My month in Thailand, month four of the World Race, is now just a memory. Something to look back on. In the past. It's over.
But there were moments when I was sure the month would never end.
There were mornings when I was positive I simply couldn't get out of bed again.
There were moments when I felt as if my mind and my heart were totally empty and there was nothing more I could pour out.
There were times that I thought if I had to unpack and repack my bag one more time I might have a breakdown.
There were episodes when I was certain that my soul just didn't have any more prayers to offer.
Suddenly, the World Race wasn't quite as romantic or exotic as it had been.
Quite simply, things got hard.
Month four was a unique month for Team Somewhere Beautiful. We were doing ministry in Northern Thailand and Laos, focusing on unreached tribal people. We're talking entire people groups that have never heard the Gospel of Christ and have no one in their lives who can tell them about it.
Our role was one of laying foundations. Because of the culture, stigmas, politics and many other factors, foreigners can't just come rolling into villages and start telling people about Jesus and expect things to happen. Even if we could, there was a major language barrier. We're not in the land of Spanglish anymore, folks. So my team and I traveled to village after village, praying for the land and the people there. We laid a foundation of prayer for the ministry we were working with to come behind us and minister to these people.
So every day we packed our bags, piled into the back of a truck, drove to a village, walked the streets praying, got back in the truck, drove to another village, and repeated. Some days we visited up to six villages. At night we'd sleep in a new place, then pack up the next morning and do it all over again.
It was a crazy amount of travel.
A lot of walking.
Even more praying.
And in 30 days we slept in 18 different beds.
Add on top of that learning and creating new team dynamics, adjusting to new cultural norms, a diet of mostly rice and noodles and a health scare at home, and it just broke me.
I was exhausted.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
But I wasn't finished.
I did drag myself out of bed every morning.
When there was nothing left to pour out, I leaned on the power of the One who fills me.
I managed to unpack and repack my bag every day, even if it wasn't organized and I was dragging it behind me.
And somehow, my soul always found one more prayer.
And here's what my month in Thailand reminded me:
Hard doesn't equal bad.
Hard just equals hard.
(Thanks, Pastor Mark.)
Yes, Thailand was a hard month. It wasn't a bad month. Because the Lord showed up in Thailand. Good things happened. Relationships were formed. Lessons were learned. I saw breathtaking, untouched parts of the world. I got to travel to two extra countires that weren't expected: Laos (for ministry) and Burma [Myanmar] for an afternoon to get our time allotment in Thailand extended. I even rode an elephant!
And most importantly, the moments of struggle and heartache and exhaustion and uncertainty brought growth and newness and freedom and life.
Not right away, by any means. But sitting in my hotel room in Cambodia, taking a break with my squad for our four month debrief, I found time to reflect. And learn. And see the beauty in the struggles. And with a rested body and a refreshed mind I found a renewed heart for worship. And a reawakening of my spirit. And it's been so sweet. And I'm convinced that I wouldn't have arrived at the good place I am now if it hadn't been for the tough moments I endured in Thailand.
Jesus never claimed that following him would be easy. In fact, he guarentees that it won't. But he does promise that it will be worth it. And if it took a hard month in Thailand to remind me of that, I'm thankful for it.
