I’m not sure if you’re noticing a pattern, but blogging is hard. So, instead of writing a few carefully-worded, well-edited, intelligent sounding blogs, I’m going to give it to you all at once.
What I have learned these past three months:
1. Self-transformation starts with self-acceptance…and self-acceptance is really, really hard. Looking past the lies that we tell ourselves and digging deep into the truth about who we are is a fearless, ruthless, exhausting act. But it’s my favorite thing that has happened to me on the Race. Self-acceptance is walking fully in God’s love.
2. God is an oxymoron. He is justice and grace, wrathful and merciful, eternal and present, big enough to fill a universe but small enough to fill my mind, man and divine, unattainable but completely approachable, all-knowing but gives us free will. He is so much more than I have ever thought or realize, and more than I will ever know. The past three months have been about me taking God out of the box in which I have put him. Ya know what, let’s talk about that a big more.
2a. I have seen visions, given words of knowledge, been given words of knowledge, yelled at God, been overwhelmed by His presence, filled with unexplainable joy and gone on encounters with God. I was not open to any of these things before the Race, and have slowly opened myself up to them as the months tick by. But ya know what? If God is who He says He is, then why can’t this stuff happen? Let God out of the box. Be brave, be fearless, trust in the Lord. Let Him be Him.
3. Being present is hard for me. Being present doesn’t mean just not thinking about the past or future…it means being consumed by moment that you are in. Being present means giving each moment, each experience, each encounter your all. It means you have to stop figuring out the future and worrying about the past, because your mind is right here, right now. It means trusting the Lord that he has the past handled and the future figured out, because you’re not worried about either. Being present means slowing down, looking people in the eye, and filling the moment. Being present is massive.
4. I have started to dream more and dream bigger. It ties into #2…if God is who He says He is in the Word, then why can’t I do amazing things for and with Him? Let’s get some stuff done, people. Start dreaming, start trusting, start being fearless.
5. Being fearless is being loved. The Scriptures say that God’s perfect love casts out of fear, so if you are perfectly loved, then you do not have any fear. If you are perfectly loved, then you are fearless. Being fearless is not about acting a certain way, or staring death in the face and seeing it blink. Being fearless is being loved. If I truly believed that I was perfectly loved, then I would have nothing to fear. Be fearless, be loved.
6. I love Thai food. It’s really delicious.
God is good. So good. So good and so mine. It’s been a great three months, and it’s already been a great time in Laos. I have six weeks left, and then I’ll be home for who knows how long. The Lord and I have something up our sleeves for home, but that’ll be for another rambling blog post.
PS: I hope you saw this already, but if not, I am fully funded! Thank you so, so much for your support for me and my squad. You all gave me so much that I have enough to pay for Project Searchlight, a week-long gathering for alumni racers three weeks after we get back. It’s a time to talk about re-entry, post-race plans, and just goof off. You made my trip possible, you made my time with the Lord possible, and I am grateful every single day.
