I didn’t really know much about Honduras before I came here. I didn’t know about the beautiful mountains, I didn’t about the hospitable people and I didn’t know about the delicious food. I also didn’t know about the violence, murder, rape and abuse of Honduras.
I didn’t really know much about myself before I came to Honduras. I knew that I didn’t know who I was, and I knew that my time in Haiti unearthed some difficult things to deal with. I didn’t know how to be me, or even who to be. I didn’t know about my strengths, my callings and my blessings. Coming off of Haiti, the Lord had stripped me down to rubble, and I had no idea about the radical reconstruction that was about to take place in me.
My team spent our month in Honduras working with Heart of Christ, in La Ermita, Talanga, Honduras. Mama Gracie and Papi Lee, our contacts, work with victims of rape, incest and domestic abuse. They have a refuge for girls who have been abused, raped or gotten pregnant through incest or rape. Mama Gracie and Papi Lee also have a refuge for World Racers, and were a refuge for Team Trust Without Borders. During our time with them, we spent time visiting people in villages, going into their houses and spending time with them. We spent time helping build a firehouse for the local firefighters (los bomberos, in Spanish). We spent time playing with the kids, girls and nurses that live in our compound.
But more importantly, we spent time with our Lord. We spent time with Him in the villages, walking with Him from broken home to broken home. We spent time with Him as we shoveled alongside the Bomberos, trying our best to get to know them and work for the Lord. We spent time with Him as we played with Cristopher, Diego, Alejandro, Katarin, Genesis, Milagros, Michele, Luis, Alejandra, Ivianna and Ericka, and as we showed them that they are special, loved, known and truly matter.
As I spent time with the Lord, He started to rebuild me. I can honestly say that this month has been the best month of Bible study and quiet time for me in my life. I’m studying Moses, reading through Exodus, and God showed me so much through his word this month. The two most impactful lessons can actually be joined into one single thought: I desperately need God’s presence in my life, because I don’t know what I’m going.
One of the main traits of Moses is his intimacy with the Lord; he speaks with God, sits with God, eats with God and is enveloped in His presence. Moses seeks the Lord’s presence above all else, and that is a desire that I want to have, as well. The Lord’s presence is the only thing that brings true change. His presence is the only way to save someone, to impact someone, to bring joy into a situation, or to boldly call someone out of sin. His presence is life-giving, soul-sustaining and the breath in our lungs. His presence brings wisdom, peace, joy, confidence and healing. I want to be as saturated in the Lord’s presence, as dependent and jealous of the Lord’s presence, as intimate with the Lord, as Moses was.
Because there is no way I can do this on my own. Mama Gracie and Papi Lee live a life that requires God to move and provide. There is absolutely no way they could do anything that they do without the Lord’s power; their ministry is too big, too impactful, too dark, too deep, too dirty, too hard, too real, too powerful for them to bear on their shoulders. Heart of Christ is a ministry that stands solely on the rock of Christ and that is how I want to live my life.
I want to live life desperately dependent on Him, and I’m learning that kind of life is free, blessed and how it should be. I know that I don’t know stuff, and I know that I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know who I am, but I know that He is making me into someone new. I don’t know what the rest of my Race will look like, but I know that God was able to save millions of Israelites in the Exodus, so He’ll take care of me just fine. I don’t know how to lead my team, but I know that God has called me to this position, and brought this team together, so my team and I are going to be great.
I don’t know what is holding you back from desperately needing His presence, and from declaring that you don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t know who the Lord is making me to be, and I don’t know the journey upon which He will take you if you truly turn your life over to him.
But I know that I’m changed forever, and I’m never going back.
And I know who my God is.
“God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.’” – Exodus 3:14
