This is my first blog in over a month, so we have some catching up to do. Last month in Haiti was “all squad” month for D Squad, which means that we all lived and did ministry together. Haiti taught me a lot, and the easiest way I can explain it is through peanut butter.
We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for at least one meal. Before Haiti, I never liked crunchy peanut butter; a sandwich should not be crunchy. However, one of my favorite things about the Race is trying new things, so I decided to be incredibly bold and adventurous…and I tried crunchy peanut butter.
Haiti for me was all about identity, or to be more specific, fully realizing my lack of identity and a lack of full acceptance of myself. For instance, I identified myself as a smooth peanut butter guy, and a silly, insecure part of me counted that as part of my identity as a person. And I did this for so many other silly things, things that don’t actually matter to my identity; I had built my identity on trivial things of sand instead of the rocks of truth that my God had given me.
So, as I started eating crunchy peanut butter, in an admittedly silly way, I was stepping out into my real identity instead of one centered on appearance, reputation or the thoughts of others.
My identity is how God sees me and who he made me to be. For years, I lived life focused on the thoughts of others. I lived life thinking through my actions, thinking through how others would view me and how they would identify me in their thoughts. I lived life reacting to what others “thought” instead of just living. I lived life thinking about how I liked smooth and others liked crunchy so that must mean they don’t like me or view me differently or I need to do things differently in order to be liked.
Not anymore. My squad showed me that I am approved and loved no matter what. My team showed me that I can be my true self and they want to know my true self. My God showed me that I had misplaced my identity, allowed me to be brought low with desperation, and then He faithfully brought me to a place of stepping into my full, righteous, godly identity.
It is a process that I am just starting, but my God is trustworthy and He will complete the work in me that He started in Haiti. I can honestly say that I have never felt this on fire, this empowered, this alive and this ready to do something great. God has shown me who I am…
I am Moses.
