After writing my last blog post it was really on my heart to have a team time with The Holy Cliqua (my team) about self image. I asked a series of tough questions that we all answered individually & then talked about after.
Some of us really struggled with certain questions and we proceeded to have a conversation after the activity which was really powerful. With their permission I wanted to share some of the questions and their answers (anonymously).
Do you feel pretty?
“No. Well sometimes, when I am all dressed up. I can list three things I like about my personality but it was so hard for me to list one thing I like about my outer appearance.”
When do you feel most proud of yourself?
I feel most proud of myself when I accomplish something (big or small). I get in my head a lot of the time, whether it’s bigger like body image or self worth, or just a simple daily task, getting to work on time or finishing a chore. I love when I set my mind to something and I accomplish it. I like to look at those moments as a fear that I’m overcoming, making me feel like the enemy can’t stand in my way and I’m perfect exactly the way I was created, flaws and all.
What makes a woman beautiful to you?
I could easily say exterior things that I think make a woman beautiful. But truly it’s what’s on the inside that I see as beauty. I think a confident woman is beautiful. Not cocky. Confident. A woman that changes the atmosphere of a room, not by what she’s wearing or how she looks, but by what she says and how she carries herself. A woman that carries herself with integrity, love and passion.
I think what make a women beautiful is her confidence and how she carries herself. Also I am really big into fitness so I love when women are sweaty and just got done with a work out and kind of look like a hot mess but something about it is so beautiful to me.
demands attention when she walks into the room (her presence)
-confidence
-kindness
-uplitfts others, doesn’t compete
-fashion style
-knowledgeable
-bright in their eyes
Does the voice of guilt or shame run in your voice when it comes to food?
“Yes, guilt some while I sit there and eat the 3rd portion or my 10th piece of candy. It is this small voice that feels like the little devil you picture on peoples shoulders saying “You know you shouldn’t eat this, but hehe do it anyway”. Shame feels like a hovering cloud the next morning after I know I didn’t follow through with a goal. Shame comes as the after wave, heavier and deeper than the voice of guilt.”
What are you most afraid of?
Knowing that my outer usually matches my inner. That screams vulnerability. When I am gaining weight it is not just a physical reminder that I am not okay but it reflects my inner feelings too. My pride always wants to shout “I am fine and strong! Nothing is wrong with me!”. Feeling fat feels like failure sometimes, like I didn’t meet this expectation that everyone else, including myself had for me.
Who does God think you are?
I think God thinks I’m unique and that I have a purpose. Sometimes I feel plain, like none of my ideas matter and that I can’t really do big things for the Kingdom. But I think God views me as this perfect masterpiece.. literally a MASTER PIECE. A piece of His magnificent puzzle that helps everything else to function properly. I am important, and God made me that way.
Is there anything you want to release or surrender or say to God about your body image/food?
God, I just want you to take my focus. I want you to instill in me your Word and your Truth. You have made me divine and unique and you have created me for a specific purpose. Help me to see my beauty and my worth and allow me to be able to speak out to other’s, encouraging them to see their worth through Your eyes. God protect me from the lies of this world and help me to stand firm in your Truth and my worth in You. I love you. Thank you for creating me exactly and perfectly in Your image.
I want to not stress as much over food I would really love to release to God how I look and the lack of confidence that I feel I would also like to release control of the constant fear of what Im eating or how much Im eating
Eating when I’m sad or stressed. Having guilt when I eat something unhealthy. My spending to much money on unhealthy food/eating out.
Maybe you can relate to some of these answers. In our conversation after this team time we all had stories about ourself or loved ones who really struggled defining some of these questions. Some of us could easily describe beautiful physical attributes about ourselves and others could only do inner qualities. I would encourage anyone to ask these questions to yourself and learn the truth about who God says you are because the truth is ALL women and most men struggle with their appearance. As a Christian woman I feel like it is my responsibility to speak truth into other women about their identity. It has been so refreshing to live in a community where we are not surrounded by makeup, fancy clothes, crazy workout classes or societal pressures. However, we still struggle. We are imperfect humans striving to fight for our authentic identity by finding beauty in how God us made inside and out.
