I have been home for about a week or so now. I have wanted to write a blog about finishing the race and re-entering America for quite some time now. I wasn’t sure what to write because I am still trying to understand how I am really feeling.
My family has been so supportive and loving as they welcomed me home with t-shirts, balloons, a party and all the love I could ever ask for. There was so much anticipation coming home and how I would feel. I thought I would cry in the grocery store or get overwhelmed by a big room to myself, but I haven’t. I thought I would get more frustrated with the selfish lifestyle and rudeness of Americans, but I haven’t.
I am waiting for the day where I finally realize that I am home and that this is for real. Somedays I feel like I am just on vacation visiting home and will return back to the world race life any day. Somedays I have small freak out that I actually moved home to Denver and that this is where I will be working and living. Somedays I am in complete contentment being home and so grateful and refreshed by this American life. Everyday is different, but for the most part it is so good to be home.
The race feels like some crazy dream. A lifetime ago, all in the past.
I wonder if anyone sees me differently? Have I even changed? I feel like the same old Regan back in her high school world living with my dad and driving around the streets I grew up in.
Did that year really happen? What did I actually learn and how do I begin to apply it to this new world? How do I make community here? When is it okay to bring up Jesus in a conversation and encourage people in prayer?
Day by day I go through this conversation in my mind and crave the community, friendships and the family I had this past year.
But there is one thing getting me through and reminding me everyday of the incredible journey I went on….CHEESE.
(As you can see my foot is a little worn out after a year haha 😉
Yes, I got a tattoo of cheese.
I realize this is a bit crazy and I still feel a little silly, but it is my small tangible reminder that everything the Lord taught me and spoke to me this year was real.
I have never wanted a tattoo before. I have never had any desire to get a tattoo and unlike most millennials the temptation was never even a thought.
Well one night in Ecuador I was sharing with some world racers how one of my biggest fears returning home was to feel like I never changed. I was worried that all the Lord did in my heart would be washed away the second I came home as I fell back into old behaviors and habits. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to live out my new faith life and that this transformed Regan would forget about the powerful year she had with Jesus.
I know that sounds a little crazy, how could I ever forget a year like this? Traveling to 11 countries and seeing so much…
But it is easier than you would think. Being home for a little over a week has enforced how adaptable we are as human beings and how change is such a constant. Being home I have seen how easy it is to live out the comforts, indulgences and to be distracted by a million things that are not Christ centered. It is so easy to get caught up in it all.
That same night that I shared, a good friend I had made that month (Mikayla;)) came over to me after worship told me that God was putting it on her heart to share with me the story behind her cheese tattoo and how it applied to my life too. She shared with me how cheese goes through a long refining process. In fact there are 11 main steps before it is packaged.
- Standardize Milk
- Pasteurize/Heat Treat Milk
- Cool Milk
- Inoculate with Starter & Non-Starter Bacteria and Ripen
- Add Rennet and Form Curd
- Cut Curd and Heat
- Drain Whey
- Texture Curd
- Dry Salt or Brine
- Form Cheese into Blocks
- Store and Age
Cheese is turned into so many different shapes, sizes, forms and is molded in various ways along the way. Once it passes one stage, it can’t be reversed to it’s last. By the time cheese starts from milk and gets packaged it might be a couple of months to even a couple years, depending on the aging time. My friend reminded me that this is how God uses us too. Everyday we are made new. Every month might look drastically different. Every season we take on new roles, responsibilities, relationships and we are different because of our growth.
We can never go back to our old self. No matter how hard we try, God is always making us new.
Yes we might return to old behaviors or friendships or even places, but we are not the same when we return. This is so important to remember because we have new things to offer. We have wisdom and love and experience that has shaped us. We have a responsibility to move forward and be exactly who God made us to be in that season. He continues to prepare us for what is next and he equips us with everything we need. We can’t forget the lessons we have learned or what we have seen or felt because he is using all of it.
So this is why I got cheese. To be honest I was still so freaked out to get the tattoo. I knew after my friend showed me her tattoo and told me the symbolism, I had to get it. I had to get it for me and me only. I didn’t want anyone to see it and I wasn’t going to tell anyone about it. I was going to let it serve as a personal reminder for me as I went home. Even while I got the tattoo I let the artist pick out the picture, I told him if he messed up, “oh well, it is a piece of cheese after all”…. I screamed the whole time and almost cried the next morning as I woke up to cheese on my ankle.
I thought to myself, “what am I going to tell my grandkids when I am 90 and have cheese on my foot?” I didn’t look at it for the first 3 days because it freaked me out so much. I thought to myself, couldn’t I have just looked at a picture of cheese everyday to remind me? Why did I get this permanently on my body….
But now that I am home I understand. I need it. I love it and feel like it is an important reminder for everyone. Maybe cheese doesn’t resonate with you, and thats okay. I encourage you to find something else that can remind you of who you are and who God is molding you to be. I encourage you to not settle for the season you are in and to keep seeking out the growth and transformation Jesus has in store for you. ( You don’t need to get it tattooed… or maybe you do?) I know for me I can get in a daze being home and compartmentalize each season into it’s own file folder in my brain. I put the world race in a folder and open up my Denver folder and live out what I know is comfortable and familiar here, but that is not the way it is supposed to be. My life in Denver and Los Angeles and the World Race and so many other seasons are all in one big beautiful book. Each season represents a new chapter. I don’t need to put them away, only to be opened years later as I reminisce. The pages just need to be turned and you will find each lesson carrying over into the next colorful chapter.
I am so grateful for all that the World Race taught me. I feel like I could write a book alone on this past year, but it is just a season and a launching pad for my next chapter. I get the beautiful crazy challenge of figuring out how to apply what I learned and all my growth into this next part of my life. I get to encourage and bring new life to Denver and whatever God has in store. I get to share CHEESY 😉 stories of how good God is and how he is still moving in my life and in the world around us. That is a a gift and I am excited to begin this new journey!
2 cor 5: 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!
To W Squad, I miss you all more than you know. I cry every time I think about the ways you all impacted me this year and helped me make changes and find my identity in Jesus. I am praying for all of you and hope that you are encouraged and reminded of how much transformation Jesus. made in your hearts this year too. You are made new and he is not done with you yet!!!
To all my family and friends who have welcomed me home with open arms. Thank you for the endless love and support. You made my homecoming so special and I could not be happier being back with so many people I love and cherish. Thank you for being with me each step of the way this year in my blogs, in reaching out, in financial support and prayer. I could not have done this without you all!!
Two songs that continue to capture my heart and remind me that God is making us new!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWYO7IbK0L8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ozGKlOzEVc
