Hello family and friends. As I type this, I’m sitting in my bedroom back in the small town of Goshen, Indiana. This will be my last blog post, believe it or not! Wow, this is literally crazy what the heck. One of the first blog posts I ever wrote was titled “Dear Me, I Forgive You,” waaaay back during Training Camp in July 2019, right before this whole adventure took off. During the blog post, I shared with you guys a vision I had during worship-
“…As these words began to flow from the worship leader’s mouth, I saw a vision of me and Jesus in the living room of a two-story house:
I am standing in the living room, and Jesus is standing by the front door. The front door is wide open, revealing a world of blinding white light, sunlight, and life beyond the house. Jesus’ hand is outstretched towards me, palm up. He asks me, “Will you come with me?”
Here I have a choice- Take His hand and go with Him where He goes and leave this house behind, or not take his hand and stay here.
In real life as the worship leader keeps on singing and praising God, I give Jesus my answer. In the vision, I reach forward and firmly grasp His hand; as I joyously tell Him, “Yes… Yes! Yes, yes I will come with you.” I become overcome with a joy, a beautiful expectant hope for what is to come! Hand-in-hand, Jesus leads me out the door, and we leave the house behind… together.”
This vision was the moment I released those next 9 months completely into Jesus’ hands. I had chosen to jump, and I was ready to free fall no matter the cost! Never in my wildest imagination could I have thought I would be sent home 2 ½ months early due to a pandemic that would catch the entire world by storm; coronavirus wasn’t even a word I heard until the middle of January during my time in the village of Saiphai, India. I surrendered these 9 months to Jesus, telling him I would go WHEREVER he would send me, and that includes America, my home.
Shortly after I arrived back home, I got on my hands and knees and cried out to God as worship music played in the background. I started sobbing due to the grief of losing my family of 42 brothers and sisters in Christ, the feeling of being cheated that my “race” had been cut short 2 ½ months early, that I was stuck at home 24/7 unable to go out and impact my community like I thought would happen at the end of my race in May, the confusion and sorrow at now being in a 100% different lifestyle that I had been in before, and the emptiness at me being unable to hear God speak to me as clearly as he had before. I was asking my Father so many questions, ones I was begging answers to. As I lay there bare before him, I heard a song come on that was quiet yet beautiful, “The House on a Hill,” by Amanda Lindsay Cook. I paused and listened, the song’s lilting voice and God’s quiet voice moving together in an ethereal harmony that washed over my aching soul. I let my eyes drift shut and opened them again to find that I was standing on a grass-covered hill. I looked and saw an inviting two-story house sitting on top, its door wide open. In the open doorway stood Jesus, patiently waiting for me. He said, “I am bringing you back in.”
8 months ago I had placed my hand in Jesus’ and he had run with me out of the house and taken me on a wild adventure full of love, surrender, praise, and faith. Now here I stand, my Messiah still walking beside me as I go through the fire. He is the one who is bringing me back into the house after all this time, even though I thought I wouldn’t come back for a time yet. I don’t understand exactly why Jesus brought me back now, or even what the heck the house means lol. What I DO know is that he has brought me this far, he has brought me through too many different seasons for me not to trust him with everything, ya know?
A couple final words for my peeps who’ve been there for each blog post, prayer request, and update: I love you people, seriously. There were SO many times that I needed prayer for myself, my team, squad, and family back home, and you guys always answered the call tenfold. I would never have been able to go on this journey without so many different people’s donations in money, supplies I needed, and prayers. It’s been real *salutes* I’m gonna pray over everyone before I wrap this puppy up, so bow your heads with me, if you please.
Jesus, I can’t thank you enough for everyone you have brought along with me on this journey. You were there for me when I needed you most, and in the moments of pure joy and freedom. I pray that you would bless them, that you would enlarge their territory, especially in knowing you more. Let your hand be on each and every one of them, and keep them from harm so that they may be free of pain. God I pray that they would seek you in everything they do, the big and small things. Be near them, Lord. Father we praise your name for everything. In Jesus name, amen.
With love,
Regan Martin (aka BABS to my lovely squad family)
“It’s quiet in this house upon a hill
You won’t mind it
Some things you can’t know till you’re still
In the silence where your spinning thoughts slow down
In the stillness things have a way of working out
Allow Me to introduce Myself again
I’m the One that knew you before time began
I’ve been waiting for you to let Me be your friend
Everything you ever need is everything I am
I Am, I Am, I Am
Take your chances there’s nothing here to lose
Ask your questions I promise you the truth
As you’re ready I want to hear your heart
Is it heavy where wounds have left a mark?
Allow Me to introduce Myself again
I was with you every place you’ve ever been
I’m the One that held you when you couldn’t stand
If you’re wondering who can heal your brokenness
I can, I can, I can
I’ll meet you In the house upon the hill
How I want to show you I am real
Allow Me to introduce Myself again
I’m the Love you used to think could not exist
I’m as sure as where you’re standing and as free as the wind
You don’t have to reach for Me, ’cause this is where I am
I Am, I Am, I Am
I Am, I Am, I Am”
