Dear Me, I forgive you

Last night, I was on my knees (again) worshiping God as we sang a song with a chorus along the lines of,

 

If you tell me to move then I will move.

If you tell me to change then I will change.

If you tell me to follow you then I will follow.

 

As these words began to flow from the worship leader’s mouth, I saw a vision of me and Jesus in the living room of a two-story house.

I am standing in the living room, and Jesus is standing by the front door. The front door is wide open, revealing a world of blinding white light, sunlight, and life beyond the house. Jesus’ hand is outstretched towards me, palm up. He asks me, “Will you come with me?”

Here I have a choice:

Take His hand and go with Him where He goes and leave this house behind, or not take his hand and stay here.

 ……..

In real life as the worship leader keeps on singing and praising God, I give Jesus my answer. In the vision, I reach forward and firmly grasp His hand; as I joyously tell Him, “Yes… Yes! Yes, yes I will come with you.” I become overcome with a joy, a beautiful expectant hope for what is to come!

Hand-in-hand, Jesus leads me out the door, and we leave the house behind… together.

 ……..

As I made my decision, and the vision ended, I fell flat on my face and worshiped God. I sang out over and over to Jesus, with tears pouring out of my heart,

If you tell me to move then I will move.

If you tell me to change then I will change.

If you tell me to follow you then I will follow.

 

---

 

Dear Me,

I forgive you.

 

I forgive you

for doubting God’s own voice

for giving up on yourself so easily

for lying about being saved,

and for isolating yourself.

 

I forgive you

for falling for lies

and for clicking on that pop-up ad,

and taking it further than you ever intended.

 

I forgive you

for blaming yourself for depression

anxiety

and a suicidal mind.

 

I forgive you

for hating yourself,

and what you had become.

 

I forgive you

for hurting yourself in bursts of anger

for screaming at yourself, “What is WRONG with you?!?!”

for all the times you stared at your own body, God’s creation, and called it anything but beautiful,

and for not allowing yourself time to heal.

 

I forgive you

for striking out at your family,

and younger brothers,

with an uncontrolled temper.

 

I forgive you

for being blinded by pride.

 

I. Forgive. Myself.