This is a very weird feeling. I am a few days away from seeing my parents for the first time in eight months. This is the longest that I have ever been away from them. I think about it and I want to sob uncontrollably. At the same time, I feel like I could burst from excitement. But in the back of my mind, there is this fear. This fear is that over the past eight months I haven’t changed enough for them to see a difference. This fear is that I wasted eight months of time that I could have radically changed in.
Yet, I know now that the feeling of fear that I am having is completely false. It is placed in my mind by the enemy and the world I grew up in to doubt my Father. God knows how much I have changed in these past eight months. He sees even the smallest change, no matter if it shows externally or only internally. I have changed. eight months ago, I would have agreed with the enemy and allowed that fear to wreck my life. But I know that one of the greatest tactics of the enemy isn’t necessarily going to be to lure you into some life crushing sin, although that’s possible, but to paralyze you with fear so that you never fully trust in the Lord.
The first month of the Race, I came across a piece of scripture that I never thought much about. But since being on the Race, I have held it close. Matthew 28:8 read, “The women ran quickly from the tomb. They were very frightened but also filled with great joy, and they rushed to give the disciples the angel’s message.” Very frightened but also filled with great joy. That is how I have been feeling through the entirety of the Race, but especially now.
I feel like I am on the brink of two worlds colliding. On one side, there is a girl that her parents once knew:
A girl who was shy and afraid to take risks.
A girl who cared so much about what others thought of her.
A girl who thought she had to be perfect.
A girl who tried so hard to live up to peoples’ expectations.
A girl who thought she failed more times than she succeeded.
A girl who knew what love was, but never felt it for herself.
A girl who had a lukewarm relationship with God.
A girl who didn’t think that God had good things in store for her.
A girl who was scared to pray for big things because she didn’t think God was good enough to answer them.
A girl who thought that God wanted her to change her behavior.
A girl who chased religion.
A girl who was called princess, but thought of herself only as the ugly step-sister.
And on the other side, there is a girl that her parents have never met:
A girl who is confident in who she is.
A girl who only cares about what God thinks of her.
A girl who knows God made her perfect exactly how she is.
A girl who only lives up to God’s expectations and doesn’t care what other people think.
A girl who knows that all the “failures” that she has had were actually stepping stones to grow closer to God.
A girl who knows what love is, and feels it daily from God and gives it daily to God’s people.
A girl who has an intimate relationship with God as His friend, daughter, and bride.
A girl who knows God has far better plans for her life than she could ever imagine.
A girl who prays big, bold prayers and adamantly waits for God to answer them in one way or another.
A girl who knows that God wants to transform hearts, especially hers.
A girl who chases relationship.
A girl who is called princess and walks with the confidence that her God is the King of Kings and that makes her royalty.
I pray that when I get to see my parents, that there are tears, and smiles, and laughs, and so much love for the Father that it is indescribable. I pray that my parents will see God in incredible ways as they see firsthand the journey He has taken me on. I pray that through pictures and stories and videos that you see the Father’s love radiating for you because He is also after your heart, just as much as He is after mine.
MOM AND DAD, I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU SO SO SOON!!
