While applying for the World Race and already questioning how my funding would come in a good friend comforted me by saying,
“If you think this is what God wants you to do then give it ALL YOU GOT. Do not go at it halfheartedly. If God closes the door you will know it is not because you did not do all you could, but because He has a better plan.”
I started this fundraising process off with that exact attitude— ready to fully commit everything to make this happen. I even told a friend early in the process that God had given me such a peace about fundraising and I knew He was going to provide. I was not overwhelmed with the amount of money I was to raise or the amount of time I had to raise it in. I was trusting God and the direction He was leading.
The first few responses I received from people about supporting me on the race were not at all what I was expecting. I was bombarded by questions and comments such as
“You really think you are going to raise that much money?” “Eleven months is just too long!” “Why would God ask you to do something like that?” “You are going to miss your sister’s wedding? That’s kind of selfish.” “Why don’t you go back to school instead?” “Put it off for a few years.” “Do you not want to start a family soon?”
…and the list goes on and on.
Soon, I found that giving it “all I got” was just not happening. The people-pleaser in me started caving in and answering, “You’re right.” “That is a lot of money.” “It would be nice to go back to school or focus on my job instead.” And while those things would be great, I knew they were not going to fulfill the gnawing hunger in my heart to follow the plans God had already mapped out for me.
However, I started doubting God and stopped fundraising. I done little things to make it look like I was still committed. Hoping God would not notice that I was trying to please everyone but Him. I somehow forgot why I even wanted to do the race, what being a Christian or Missionary was even about, and worse… who God was.
To be honest, these past couple months have been one of the biggest struggles of my spiritual life. I have found myself standing at a crossroads with a choice, one that I thought I made a long time ago. To choose the world and stuff down the roaring lion inside me that has been fighting for a voice. Continue to be a people-pleaser, because it is easier. Go to school, because it makes more sense. Focus on my job and start a family, because the world says that is what I am supposed to do. Put off the calling God placed on my life, and live what may be a more comfortable life… Or choose to take up my cross and run with ALL I GOT into the arms of Jesus. Trusting that His plans for me far outweigh the plans I have for myself or the plans others have for me. Trusting that His promises are good and where He leads, He will provide. To accept His invitation to what may be the biggest, most life-changing adventure of my life.
Ministry is hard. It takes sacrifice after sacrifice. Sometimes it does not make sense and sometimes it appears impossible. But remembering who God is and the wonderful, crazy, beautiful, ways He works helps put everything into perspective.
I have a God who is bigger than ANY deadline. I have a God who is bigger than ANY doubt or uncertainty. I have a God that loves me no matter how many times I stumble or fall short of who He has called me to be.
I have a God who is more than worthy of my whole life and no matter how hard things get all I have to do is choose Him.
This fundraising process is going to be hard, especially now, with only a few weeks until my first deadline, but I’m choosing God and trusting that He will give me strength to give it my all. I pray that I still have your support and I also pray that whatever is going on in your life that when the enemy tries to tell you that life would be or could be easier by choosing the things of this world that you choose God and the promises He has for you.
“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 (AMP)
