We all go through a lot and carry around our own baggage. A lot of the times it seems to be the things that we recognize we are carrying around that are the hardest to get rid of. At least that’s how I often operate, and this past year and a half have been no exception. I kept trying to lay these things down. Let go of hurt. Give and receive forgiveness. But, it felt like it was never going to happen. Before the events occurred, I was full of confidence in God and how He worked through me. It only took a few words for that fortress I had built to come crashing down. I realize now that it was because I put my stronghold more on my shoulders rather than at the feet of Christ.
Training Camp (TC) was amazing. I got to meet the people that I will be traveling around the world with for 11 months and start building deep connections with them. We went through simulations of situations we could encounter while on the Race – loss of luggage, sleeping in various places (hostels, airports, etc.), buying food at markets, and more. There was also a ton of logistical and ministry training. Though I doubt any of us would say that we are “prepared for anything,” we would all say that we are 100 times more prepared now than we were eleven days ago! Here’s a snapshot of some of the happenings:
3 mile hike in under 50 min
Slept in a tent with ants, plus lots of bug bites in general
Ate crickets, beef stomach lining, gizzards
Bucket showers
Port-a-potties
Made a shelter out of tarps to sleep under
Catching jumbo marshmallows in our mouth and spitting it into another person’s mouth (Oh, wait. That was only me and Haley…)
Getting “close” to your teammates through team building activities
Eating rice, curry, lentils, and more with our fingers
Did many squats, push ups, sit ups, lunges, and some running
Performed a haka (https://youtu.be/sCi-OzeqguI)
Carried/led/supported teammates up and down a hill during an exercise (some of us were given fake ailments (loss of limbs, vomiting, becoming blind) and we had to get from one place to the next by working as a team to overcome the problems)
And much, much more.
All of these things were fun. They pushed us out of our comfort zone and beyond what we thought we could handle physically and mentally. But, ultimately, they pushed us toward one another and, most importantly, toward Christ.
As I mentioned earlier, this past year and a half had left me carrying a lot of things I wanted to get rid of. I felt like a stranger in my own body and desperately wanted to be free of all the extra weight. Unforgiveness, hurt, confusion, self-deprecation…to name a few. God provided. He gave me opportunities to respond to the pain I had been carrying and in response He took it. I don’t have a big, theological explanation for how He did it, but He did. At one point I sat for, well, I don’t know how long, and repeated aloud, “I forgive her. I forgive her. I forgive her.” Until it felt true in my heart and there will be days when I have to continue to repeat this. But, I no longer feel the hurt that was laid upon me by this individual. I hold nothing against her. There were also a lot of situations that pushed me toward growth too.
The BIGGEST thing for me this week was the restoration of confidence deep in my heart. During my first one-on-one with one my squad leaders, she asked me what I wanted to gain by the end of the week. I immediately knew the answer. Confidence. My journey towards confidence began with God asking me to go and pray for one of my teammates. At least a solid ten minutes later, I finally went over and gave her the word. Later she found me and told me what that word meant to her.
The next way God continued to build confidence in me was when one of the girls on my squad hurt her ankle pretty badly. That night we gathered around her to pray for healing. I’m not sure how long we prayed but God started by showering her in love and healing areas of her heart. After a bit, I heard God say in my head, “Kiss the foot.” To which I replied, “God, are You sure? Am I really okay with looking like an idiot (if she doesn’t get healed) in front of these people I met three days ago?” I came to the conclusion that I was okay with that and that I believed God would heal her regardless of my actions because He loves her. So, I made my way through the people and asked her if I could take the bandage off her ankle. Then I prayed for her ankle, kissed her foot, and asked how it felt. Her response was, “The pain is gone. It just feels tight.” So, we prayed a little more and her foot was completely better!!! Praise God!! I love how fun God is. 🙂 He delights in loving and encouraging everyone He can in every way possible. Like I said, I believe she would have been healed regardless of whether I kissed her foot or not (and I wasn’t the first one of the night to kiss her foot. But, I didn’t know that until a day or two later). But, God wanted to minister to my heart too! He’s pretty darn sweet like that.
A lot of other things happened throughout the week as well that grew my confidence – giving a word from God to my whole team during a worship night in the woods, praying over the whole group, a few other occurrences where I had words for specific people… Plus a lot of encouragement from my squadmates. All in all, it was nothing I did that gave me confidence. It was God. He loved me. He reminded me that I am His daughter. That His words are powerful and I can use them to love people. Because He lives inside of me. All I have to do is listen to Him and trust Him and He will make my path right. I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. He is faithful. He works all things for my good, the good things and the bad.
I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about everything that happened and what God did at Training Camp…
With all that said, I’m excited to say that we will be launching to Cambodia in just a few short weeks! I was chosen to be the leader of my team (side note: had God not grown confidence in me those ten days and healed me of my past shame and hurt, I doubt I would have accepted the position. He’s a pretty smart guy!) so I have to be in Georgia on October 1st for an extra day of training! Then, after some final group training, we will depart a few days later!
I have currently raised $6,876. That puts me $3,124 away from my next goal. In order to launch in October, I need to have raised that final amount by September 16. Please join me financially, if you can, and in prayer for God to provide!
I know this was a lot and I didn’t cover everything… Please, please, please, comment or contact me if you want to know more about anything. I would love to share deeper and/or bring more clarity.
All the love of Christ. <3
More details to come on fundraisers.
ALSO, here is an awesome video to check out about the week made by my squadmate Caleb Pauls where you can meet a couple of my squadmates and maybe see me… 🙂 https://youtu.be/FTo1Mc4MtSU
4th Generation M Squad …aka My Family
Team Anchor Depths …aka the women I’ll be living life and doing ministry with.
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