Today a dream came true. A dream that I have held onto for as long as I can remember.
Riding an elephant.
Dreams…
Dreaming is not an easy thing for me. At least, dreaming for myself is not any easy thing for me. When I was a senior at A&M, God showed me that I don’t dream for my life, I don’t make plans for my future, I don’t believe for it. Let me clarify, I believe I have a future but I don’t have an idea that I put faith into about it. As I had this realization about 2 years ago, God led me to the root of why.
As a kid I wanted to be a firefighter. For years. I loved when we went to tour the Gainesville fire department and when one of my friend’s dad would come and put on his uniform in class, or have his son put it on, and give us a presentation on fires and safety. I thought firefighters were awesome (for the record, they ARE awesome). Then, in third grade, when my friend’s dad came I was surprised when I found out they were going to have me put on the firefighter’s uniform. You would think I would have been ecstatic. Dream come true, right?! But… me and my third grade insecurities did not react, internally, that way. I felt like everyone was making fun of my dream. Looking back I know that wasn’t true. Everyone was actually supporting me and coming behind me in my dream. My feelings and reaction were all my own, not the result of what was intended by my friend. Nevertheless, that dream and my motivation to dream for myself died that day. So, as a senior in college, I started learning to dream for myself again.
It’s been almost two years since I started that process and it’s still really, really hard for me to dream for my life. The Race was a big step in believing for my future.
This brings me to the elephants. My team and I talked about it starting in Cambodia. It’s been my bud (what I’ve been looking forward to) for the bast month+. When we got to Thailand, I watched as a couple of the people from my squad went and rode the majestic pachyderms anticipating my opportunity to do the same. So, my teammates and I picked our day and began our planning. We went to our host and found out that because the tourist season changed, so did the price to ride the elephants. About double what we expected and my teammates were starting to opt out of going. Honestly, I was pretty devastated. But I didn’t know why. Could I not be just as happy to see elephants and touch them, without riding one? As I prayed about it and talked to God, I remembered all that dream stuff. Then it hit me, this is the one dream I have held onto since I was a child. The one thing on my bucket list, if that’s what you want to call it. And here I was centimeters from making that dream come true, and it was still out of reach. The more I thought about it the more I realized it was a dream worth pursuing. I decided to talk to my host and see if it was okay for me to go alone. Before I could talk to her though, one of my teammates asked us what our plans for the weekend were and I shared my intentions. One of my other teammates decided she wanted to go with me!
I didn’t want to go alone. But it was worth it to me to pursue my dream even if I didn’t have anyone pursuing it with me.
I had this realization a couple months ago as well, before I signed up for the race. When I started thinking about the possibility of being a missionary, my first desire was to have a husband to do that with. I would like to be married some day and wouldn’t having a man around make it a lot easier and safer to travel the world? Yes. Probably so. But, I also realized that there is a possibility I may never get married and have that person. I asked myself if I was willing to put off this desire, this dream, until I knew one way or the other. No. I wasn’t.
Fast forward a couple weeks and I applied to go on the World Race. Fast forward some more, and here I am today walking in the very dream I almost wasn’t willing to pursue because it wasn’t going to look the exact way I wanted it to. No, I don’t have a husband partnering with me, but I am in community with 39 other people and I have had the amazing support of all of you. So, I’m not alone in this.
I’m going to keep pursuing dreams. Dreaming is still something I’m learning to do. One of the guys on my squad likes to ask the question, “What is your bigger than life picture for yourself?” aka what is the biggest dream you can think of or imagine for your life. This is something I’m working on. Dreaming is hard, but dreaming big is even harder. But, I’m working on it.
My first meeting with the beautiful animals
Bonding by feeding sugar cane before riding.
Lana! My baby elephant that I got to ride. We little folks got to stick together. She’s 4 years old.
We got to brush the elephants in the water. Lana splashed me for about 5 minutes. It’s one of my new favorite memories.
I got hugged by an elephant!!! (Lana’s momma)
