These past 2 years have been rough. Rough but good. Rough but invaluable. Rough but so essential. I’ve gone from being comfortable to feeling completely uncomfortable and out of place. Then, right when I find my place amongst the discomfort and become wholeheartedly soaked and immersed in a community, it’s just in time to realize that it’s going to be ripped away. I can only compare it to feeling like someone has run off with my most prized possession and now i’m not quite sure how to conduct myself. Sometimes it’s like i’m wearing a big red and white striped shirt amidst a sea of polka dots… a foreigner among the familiar. I imagine that’s how recovering addicts must feel. That might sound dramatic or extreme but it’s honest. Literally, more times than I’d like to count, in a matter of a day my whole world would change. So yes, I’ve felt a little discombobulated a few times in the past 24 months. Not that the memories or the people will necessarily be gone, all of that has become a part of who I am, it’s just different.
And you know what? It’s weird and sometimes it sucks. BUT. It’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. Which makes the sucking a little more bearable. And I’m still here, alive and kicking.
I know this has gone in a somber direction but there is hope to be had. There is always hope to be had.
If we were always comfortable our lives would be going nowhere. Can I get an amen? And if you can’t muster the gumption for an amen, then i hope that couch you’re sitting on doesn’t mind holding you for a little while longer. Sometimes I get this picture: It’s like there’s someone looking through a peephole trying to see the world. You want to expand their vision and rescue them from their prison until you realize that the prisoner is you. That you are responsible for your own imprisonment… but you kind of like it in there.
What’s that quote about how God is always in your comfort zone, but it’s not whre He’s needed… you know, something along those lines. If I’ve learned anything about being alive it’s this: I need God. So, for lack of better words, screw you comfort zone. I don’t need you. You’re nice to have around but you are not essential to my survival… nor are you helping with it in any way. Do you have people in your life like that? Careful how you spend your time with them– people who aren’t going to push you into greatness. i believe comfort is the stairway, more like escalator, to stagnation. Let’s challenge ourselves, people! Even if it scares the crap out of us.
So speaking of pulling out greatness in others… this has become one of my favorite things to talk about lately!!
Okay, so when the apostle Paul wrote letters to the churches he began them by stating who they already were; sons and daughters, ministers of reconciliation, accepted, holy, loved, etc. and then he says, “THEREFORE, live up to what you’ve already received.” We are already these things so it’s time we live like the people we already are. No matter how bad I screw up I will never lose my status of being a son or daugher, loved and accepted. It’s already true of me. Yes, there are times when I feel like I royally stink at life– when feelings of depression, insecurity, bitterness, jealousy (my goodness… I’m on a roll) and negativity perch their stupid heads on my shoulder — or times when I make mistakes or feel guilty.
As my friend Keturah puts it, “I’ve put guilt and grace in the same sentence like they were best friends. But isn’t that the reason Jesus died? Taking all of our shit to hell and saying we don’t have to worry about it anymore. Maybe we just need to recognize these things, take them to the Father, forgive ourselves and move on because He takes ALL things.”
It’s a good thing to fight for who we know others can be. Helping others to see that Jesus didn’t die for nothing. That He did die to take all of our shit to hell, as a matter of fact, so that we could live expansive, guilt free, healthy lives. We may have been guilty of these things at one time but we are holy and blameless and washed in the blood. And we better start believing it too so that we can get a move on and do what we’re supposed to be doing. Big things, I tell you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “… treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.” I believe this with everything inside of me. And then some. See destiny in people’s lives and ask them to walk in it. Let’s love people into their future.
I heard someone talking the other day about friendship. They said they were looking up synonyms for the world ‘love’ in the Hebrew dictionary and found the word ‘covet’. When you love others deeply you covet great things for their life.
Toni Morrison, a Nobel prize winning author, was asked what her secret was to being able to write great books. her response, “I’m a great writer because when I was a little girl and walked into a room where my father was sitting, his eyes would light up. That is why I’m a great writer. There isn’t any other reason.” How bold we become when we know we are believed in and sure of being loved. I mean, really.
And to quote Eminem to Dr. Dre, “I demand you remember who you are”. That’s what friends do. They boldly ask us to remember who we are or help us to remember. So thank you, Eminem. And a shout out to my boy, Mufasa, for asking Simba to do the same thing. Watch it here.
Well, I’m excited to go where I haven’t gone… and content in the transitions.
So here I stand, rather, here I move, continuing on the path of the strange and the new. I did not mean for that to rhyme. I’m a gypsy woman who’s planted in living waters. And that’s the way I like it. Uh huh, uh huh.
Right now that path is taking me down the road of drinking chocolate milk and hanging out with my nephew. Life is good, even when it’s hard.
