We have been at REAP in Granada Nicaragua this month. My team has been so blessed. The facility has been so neat and tidy. They clean the bathrooms once a week and wash sheets every two weeks. That’s why I was surprised that the other night we had a mouse in our room. I didn’t see the mouse but I automatically felt unsafe. We had team time in the room and I didn’t even feel comfortable closing my eyes during prayer. I was stricken with fear. After team time I did not feel comfortable staying in the room. I felt this overwhelming fear. I felt distrust and longed for home and safety. Another volunteer had a hammock set up on the porch that they weren’t using so I wrapped myself up in my mosquito net and settled down for the night. People were awake and having conversations on the porch so I quickly fell asleep feeling safe and cradled in the hammock. However, when the people went to bed I woke up. I laid in the hammock cold and afraid. I could hear the dogs barking and knew the night watchman was walking the campus. I have played with these dogs throughout the day and I have seen the night watchman yet I was still afraid. Why? As I looked up at the night sky I was flooded with fear and began to pray. After praying God gave me the courage to get up and go inside to use the bathroom. Upon entering the bathroom, a small brown mouse scurried toward the open door. I quickly shut the door and jumped to safety on the stone counter. I hit my leg and was in a lot of pain but I was happy I had closed the door and “protected” the rest of the girls on the team. I once again was gripped by fear and it took me what felt like about 20 minutes of prayer before I jumped down to use the bathroom. I saw the mouse again and jumped back on the counter. As I squatted on the counter in fear I felt so silly. Why in the world was I afraid of a teeny tiny mouse? Everyone had told me that it was more afraid of me than I was of him but yet here I was scared to get down and debating my options. Eventually I did get down and I shut the bathroom door and raced to my empty bed. I quickly put up my bug net and laid down to sleep. That was my worst night of sleep since coming to REAP. I woke up groggy and after hearing that I had woken up my teammate I left the room trying to hold back tears. I knew in my head that my fear was irrational but I couldn’t get over it. As I sat down and prayed about my ridiculous fear and tried to reset myself for the day one of my teammates gave me a hug and prayed over me. He reminded me not to fear because God’s got this! I would like to say I immediately felt better and the fear was completely gone but that would be a lie. I believe that God is asking me to give up my fear and trust in Him. I am currently reading Bible verses about fear and learning more about our father’s love in regards to protection. This is a process and I’m asking that you join me in praying for no more fear for irrational and rational things. I know the race will be filled with more creepy crawlies and other fears. Thank you in advance! I love you!
