We are back from Mozambique and are finishing up debrief before heading to our next ministry location.
This past month was a bit crazy. To start out, transportation wasn’t working out to get to Nelspruit, S. Africa from Johannesburg, S. Africa. So, we stayed a couple of days in Jo-burg waiting. Once we got to Nelspruit, we were unable to get transportation because it was the weekend or it was booked. While we were there, a lady came by because the Lord told her that we would be there and that we needed a message. She talked to the squad leaders before knowing what was going on with us or what we were about. This woman said that we were in Nelspuit for the next 3 days for a reason. She went on saying that we weren’t unified as a family and that before we go out into Mozambique, we needed to get unified. We cannot leave a soldier behind to get attacked. We needed to make sure that we are one with one another.
This really took me aback. I knew that I needed to change my attitude. I thought that maybe it was because of me that we were unable to move forward. God showed me some things in my life and some things from my month in Laos with my team that really made me sink in my chair. I had been horrible to my team. I was putting myself and my agony before anyone else. Yes, I was dealing with wanting to go home, not fitting in on my team and on H- Squad, a family member passing away, my grandma in and out of ICU, my brother preparing to go back to Iraq and so on and so forth. I was overwhelmed. I wasn’t letting God take my burdens so that I could go and comfort and be near my team. I pushed them away so that I could deal with things on my own. They didn’t know how to respond to me and I should have let them know. This is a work in progress, but I know that it is something that I am overcoming.
During our extra few days at the Betor House in Nelspruit, I really took time to pray into all of these things. When I asked God about it, He told me that I needed to forgive… Not just saying “I forgive you”, but to really truly mean it and let them each know. I prayed about it for a while longer and knew how to approach this. I wrote out 9 steps that I needed to follow. One of them saying that forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. (In this case it has to) It took me a little while to grasp that concept. I felt like I could do that easy. That I didn’t have to reconcile with these people. Boy, was I wrong. There was no way that I couldn’t reconcile with them, we have to live with one another for the next 5 months. I can’t just write them off and go on with my life. I did tell my team that it might take a while for me to get to that point and they understood.
Each month God puts a song in my heart that helps me through whatever situation I am going through. In Laos, it was a song that a friend sang in 2001 for me. Here are the lyrics…
“I won’t stop running, until I’ve run the race. I won’t stop prayin’, ‘til I see His blessed face. I will not settle for a life of compromise, I’ll just keep pressin’ towards the prize, until I see Him in the skies.”
I laughed at God. I am unsure why He wants me to finish, but I know that this is what He has called me to. He keeps revealing that to me. So, I have to go through this forgiveness and reconciliation phase daily if I want to grow with my team. I don’t want to me a soldier left behind.
J
Love you all!
~Bekah
