Holy Spirit Rain Down… We hear and sing many songs about the Holy Spirit. But, do we really mean what we are singing? Do we really want the Holy Fire to fall down upon us? It scares the crap out of most people. It even scares those who grew up ‘seeing’ it, like me. I should re-phrase that, but I am not going to. I am scared to see God move. I know that he does, I have heard stories. I have no doubt in that. But, what will happen when I am on this trip and see people healed in amazing ways? On this trip, I will see the blind see, the deaf hear, the mute talk, the demons being cast out and many, many more. I just don’t know if I am ready for that. How do I deal with something like that?
The service last night was amazing. We talked about the Holy Spirit bubbling up in us. They talked about the Holy Spirit dong more than bubbling up, but Gushing! I fought God with this. Growing up, the Holy Spirit was kind of forced upon us. Not from family, but from church camp. The church I grew up in, taught that in order to show that you have received the Holy Spirit, you spoke in tongues. At every service, the leaders would pray with each person. I didn’t agree with that. If the Holy Spirit was to show up in my life, He was going to have to show me on his own. I get distracted when others pray for me. So, when people would pray for me to receive the Holy Spirit, I would shut down. That is what happened last night. I thought that I was ok. I knew that God was there. I knew that the Holy Spirit was there, but I still felt that tried to force that onto me. Don’t get me wrong. I do want to feel and receive the Holy Spirit, but who is to say that I haven’t? Last night I felt the power. My knees went weak and I found myself sitting a few times. I felt the power of God, and then someone came to pray with me. I was in my own world and praising God in my own way, but got distracted with the prayer of gushing was spoken to me. This happened a few more times before I asked God to not send anyone else over to me. I know that by saying that, God was going to send someone over anyways and He did. At that time, I figured I would just give in and let her pray and grab my belly like the others. By that point, I was a bit peeved. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt like I was the only one in the room who was not being filled. I felt as if I was wearing red while the others were wearing white. I stuck out like a sore thumb all because I was worshiping in my own way. I am not sure I should feel that way. I feel as if it was being pushed on me more so than ever before, and I cried. I cried because I was scared. I cried because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t receive that. I cried because I was angry that I was unable to feel what those around me were feeling. Is it because my heart isn’t ready? Is it because I have hardened my heart so much to this? Is it because I am weak and can’t handle the miracles that are to come? I don’t know.
the Body of Christ is made up of different parts but we all work together to accomplish things. Who is to say that I feel the Holy spirit in the same was as others did last night? I do pray that God reveals himself to me and helps me to understand more.
What are your thoughts on this?
