“I’m getting an impression that there are many of you that may be feeling a bit frustrated, tired, discouraged, and worn out at this point of your race. Or maybe you’re just hungry for more of the Spirit in your life. We would love to encourage you, so if you relate to any of these, please step out of your seat, come down to the front, or off to one of the sides so we can know to come around you and pray for you.”
This was one of the last things shared during a gathering of the Church family here in Japan this last Friday. As soon as this word was spoken, a half-hour long session of intense prayer began. I saw dozens of people step boldly and humbly out of their seats, admitting their need for help and asking for prayer.
One of the first people I saw stand up was myself.
Let’s back up a little and explain some of the situations and thought processes that let up to this moment. I think many of them could have been avoided if I had memorized the World Race’s “11th Commandment” a little better: Thou shall not have any expectations.
Now, I didn’t totally disregard their advice on this one. I entered this race knowing I would be OK eating anything and everything from plain rice 3 times a day, to various mystery meats and/or insects. I was prepared for squatty potties, shared living spaces, bucket showers, hand-washing laundry, and sharing my bed with spiders the size of my face. Anything that did not include those turned into a luxury.
I did, however, allow myself one teensy-weensy expectation. I wanted to walk every day in awe of seeing God’s hand working in and through me in unimaginable ways. I wanted to experience Him on deeper levels. I wanted to see the fruit of my labor and tell amazing “featured blog”-type stories, where blind people can see, deaf people can hear, lame people can walk, demon-possessed people are freed, prostitutes leave the bar scene, people accept Christ as their savior, Atheists experiencing God move in their life… Ok, I guess it’s actually somewhat of a huge expectation… but this is the World Race, so it’s a safe one to hold on to, right? I mean, this is the ONE year where I’ll go to 11 countries and see the Spirit move in unexplainable ways every day to the point where I’m overwhelmed by His tangible presence in my life and I float around on cloud nine, beaming His glory wherever I go, right?
…Right?
…?
When you’re 5 months into your race, it can be so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day life.
The early-morning meetings, skype dates, and “gotta catch that extra hour of sleep” can so easily overtake that time you’re supposed to be spending with God. Often, on the race, you don’t get to church very often, and if you don’t go directly to the Father to fill you up, nobody is going to do it for you.
Sometimes ministry isn’t “sexy” – sometimes it involves shopping for groceries, cleaning bathrooms, or prayer walks (not as exciting as they might sound).
Sometimes your ministry doesn’t go the way you expected. Sometimes you’re teaching English to students who don’t pay attention, are disruptive, and you expend the majority of your energy just trying to get them to sit still and stop screaming/kicking/spitting on you and other students. Sometimes you go out for ATL ministry, asking the Lord to lead you to the people he wants you to talk to, and you end up wandering in the freezing cold for a few hours before returning home, reassuring yourself for the hundredth time that “I’m sure He had a plan for that…”
Over the past few months, I catch myself comparing my race to the World Race experience I wanted and, well, expected. I look back and feel discouraged that I haven’t done enough in these countries. I re-read my journal and I recognize all the struggles, hurts, and lies still obvious today, and I am frustrated, wondering if I’ve really grown at all. In the midst of rough transitions between countries, that inevitable tummy-ache that takes weeks to go away and reappears with each new country and its cuisine, the ever-increasing fatigue that grows as your sleep schedule gets rearranged time and time again, those disputes and personality differences with people on your team you wonder if you’ll ever move past, the feedback you keep getting no matter how much you try to change, the growing number of tear-filled goodbyes at the end of each month… it can all add up and leave you feeling, well, “frustrated, tired, discouraged, and worn out”
… Stay tuned for part 2!
