“Reflections From Training Camp” #1:
This was probably one of the most interesting Easter Sundays I have ever experienced. We were given the choice to go to a mega-church for the morning service, and being the “lemming” (crowd-follower) I am, I decided to head over there with my team. I’m not going to go in to details on here, but I was very uncomfortable during the service and left the church feeling more entertained than filled and edified, and was actually a little disappointed that on Easter Sunday I hadn’t been able to spend time in a church where they worship the way I like to/want to worship.
Back at AIM in the afternoon, Seth Barnes invited us to begin by thanking God for all He has done and for remembering what that day really meant, and this evolved in to a time of praising and crying out to God, a time of us being open and vulnerable before God, and a time to share what He had laid on our hearts. Somehow, this went from being my worst Easter ever to the best, because we took time as a community to seek the face of God and learn from the Risen Christ.
We were given a chance to journal what we felt God had been speaking to us, and were then encouraged to share that with our teammates…and since I didn’t get a chance to share it with them, I’m going to open myself up here and share what God spoke to me this Easter. (I was going to edit it, but I really feel God calling me to be completely open and leave it exactly how it is written in my journal…so here it is.)
You love me, Lord. Despite all my imperfections, You love me. You want to draw me close to You. You are pursuing me, running after me with open arms, because You love me so much. Lord, I praise You for showing me that love. I praise You for beginning to break down the walls around my heart. I praise You for the work You are doing in my life. Lord, it hurts so much to allow You to re-break me, but in the end I will experience Your total, complete healing. Thank You for the assurance that You will never leave me, that You love me more than I could ever imagine. Lord God, You are tearing up the lies that I’ve believed – that I’m not good enough, that I’m invisible, that no one cares about me. It hurts, Lord, and it’s hard to be vulnerable in front of people I only met a couple days ago, but I praise You for the work You’re doing in me. Lord, I praise You. Father, I love You. Lord, I give my heart to You – guard it and protect it for me because I don’t know how. Let me feel Your love.
God took what I was feeling and totally blew it out of the water. He had been speaking His love over me for so long, and as we celebrated the resurrection, something clicked in me and I understood what it meant for Him to be living and moving inside of me. Something finally made sense, and I could feel the presence of God descend on me like I’ve never felt before. God is doing a mighty work in my heart, and I praise Him for that!
