“This isn’t what I signed up for” is what I
wrote in my journal this morning.
I
signed up for ministry, for whole months in each country, for short transitions
between ministry sites.
I
didn’t sign up to go to an orphanage in Thailand for 2 1/2 weeks and then
leave.
I
didn’t sign up to go to an orphanage in Cambodia for 2 1/2 weeks and then
leave.
I
didn’t sign up to leave on ministry site on the 3rd of November and not get to
the next one until the 21st or 22nd.
I thought the World Race was supposed to be about
ministry, about serving others, about working in areas of the world where
people are often forgotten.
It still is.
Nothing has changed – we’re still traveling around the world
to proclaim
freedom for the oppressed
and
to serve others
and
to make disciples of Jesus Christ.
What God’s been teaching me over the past few weeks of transition
is that “scheduled ministry” is not all the World Race is about. It’s about finding myself (that’s not my
original line – somebody else said it first, I just don’t remember who). The World Race isn’t just a mission
trip..I’ve been told all along that it’s really a pilgrimmage, a journey to
discover who I am and what God made me to be.
Sometimes it’s hard to see that – I want to be doing something tangible,
I want to have scheduled ministry and use my hands and be working and feel
useful. That’s what I want, but God wants so
much more.
He wants me to
grow closer to Him, to spend time seeking what He wants for me.
He wants to break the
box I’ve put around “missions” and “ministry” and re-form
the way I think about His work in the world.
His
plans for me are so much bigger than my plans.
I was told to set aside my expectations at the beginning of the
race…they told us things wouldn’t go the way we thought they were
“supposed to.” So it may have
taken me a few months to figure out, but I was holding on to my expectations
with clenched fists, I “knew” how things were supposed to go and I
had it all planned out perfectly in my mind.
But that’s not the way God had it planned. He’s breaking me and teaching me and
stretching me and re-shaping the way I think.
And you know what? I’m learning a
whole lot about myself in the process.
