Little kids love the phrase “do over”. They use it constantly: you were in my way: do over! you didn’t tell me that rule: do over! he pushed me: do over! she was yelling at me: do over! his truck ran in to mine: do over! They seem to think that any time something doesn’t go their way, they can simply call a do over and start back at the beginning.
Sometimes we, as adults, wish we could have a “do over” too, like the times we say things we shouldn’t about people we care about, times we look at something we shouldn’t be looking at, times we intentionally hurt someone because they’ve hurt us first, times we don’t study for that test we really need to pass in order to graduate college, times we see a situation in which we could and should help and pass it by instead. We have an inherent desire to make things right, to be on the right track, to do the right thing, but sometimes our humanity gets in the way, and later, our conscious prompts us into wanting a “do over.”
I wrote a blog a really long time ago about how God gives us second chances: sometimes He’ll call a “do over” for us because He wants us to make things right. Sometimes, though, He lets us learn from our mistakes, our experiences, our choices…in order for us to grow closer to Him. These past seven-ish months have taught me to embrace the experiences God has allowed me to have and to learn from them instead of wanting to go back and do things differently. There were times I doubted why I was ever on the World Race or wondered if it was such a good idea to go when I did, there were ministry sites I wanted to go back to and do things differently at, there were people I wanted to go back and see and have different relationships with. But God had a purpose in all of it: in me going on the Race, in the places my team went and the people we met and the experiences we had.
Knowing what I know now about the economy and specifically the nursing job market (there aren’t even many nursing jobs available, even though it’s been called a “recession-proof career choice”), I was asked recently if I still would have gone on the World Race right out of college, or if I would have chosen to work a couple years to get some experience and then taken some time off. The selfish part of me (the part that wishes I was employed and taking care of little sick kids) says “yes” – I should have gone the same path as all my classmates: graduate, get nursing license, get nursing job, work for a couple years…then maybe go on the World Race if it’s convenient. From my heart, though, I don’t think I would have done anything differently.
Going on the World Race taught me about myself: my gifts (healer, servant, prophet), my talents (making joyful music to my God, encouraging others, playing with kids), my dreams (to take care of marginalized women and children and provide for their basic health care needs), my hopes and desires (to see a generation rise up and bring God’s kingdom to earth, to see people step out into what they’re called to do). It taught me how to relate with others (because as much as we all want community around us, living in community is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, and certainly one of the most rewarding as well). It taught me to see people how Jesus sees them, and not just another “case” or “patient” or “homeless man walking down the street.” It taught me so much about my relationship with God: full trust in Him, His faithfulness, waiting on His timing, intimacy with my Father.
So if I went back to my senior year of college, the time when everyone else was applying for jobs and hoping they’d get what they wanted, I would still be sitting in the background at the job fairs, half-heartedly making my résumé, waiting eagerly for graduation so that I could go out and see the world, so that I could make a difference without necessarily having a title attached to my name. I took a chance by not getting in to the nursing field right after my graduation, and this is one time I don’t want to call a “do over.” I wouldn’t have been ready.
Instead of looking back at the World Race and seeing the things I wish I could have done differently, I’ve now been looking back and seeing how God used certain experiences to mold me and shape me for whatever it is that He has for me in the future. I see the children I held and cried over, how my heart broke for the little sick ones that cannot get help – and how God has given me a heart to advocate for these little ones. I see the times my team got in to heated discussions or times I simply didn’t want to talk to one or more of my teammates because of some silly reason or another, times that God taught us how to live as sisters instead of strangers – and I see that God has given me an ability to communicate, an ability to relate that I wouldn’t have had without those experiences. God has definitely had a plan for me all along, and He uses even the experiences that I thought were bad and turns them in to valuable teaching lessons, reminding me constantly of His love and faithfulness.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,
‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future.'”
Jeremiah 29:11
