It seems almost normal now that when I walk outside my front door after 2pm a kid will run up, take my hand and drag me someplace or hug me. I’m pretty sure that would have made me rather uncomfortable a few months ago. As I write this the kids are at school. Today will be our last afternoon with them before we start packing to leave. I feel like we’ve been here long enough to get to know their personalities and stories and names (those were not easy). Since we arrived, my heart has broken for the older boys especially (maybe 12-16 years old). They’re so sweet. They’re still young enough that they aren’t afraid to take our hands and ask to be thrown around and flipped upside down, young enough to just want a hug when they’re down, but even now I see them slowly learning how to be young men. I’ve seen them step in when the younger kids fight, comfort one another and say they’re sorry. My heart breaks for them because they’re learning to be men without the presence of a father.
Last week my team raised money for and then purchased a Bible for every child. Yesterday we got to hand them out. In the front of every Bible we wrote “Keep the word of God close in good times and bad. Let it bring you closer to the Father.” Last night while they were getting ready for bed, a couple of the boys stopped us to ask questions about their new Bibles which caught my attention. I think for me the struggle is to not limit God with my own lack of understanding. God says that He is our Father. That means He cares about these kids more than I ever could. It’s easy for me to focus on only what I can see; we’re leaving and they still don’t have parents and that means no fathers. I’m learning to trust that God has a plan for each of their lives and that it isn’t a hopeless situation. If He has a plan for an orphaned kid in Lesotho Africa then He has a plan for me and for you too.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around that; He cares for them more than I do. What does that even mean? I have a feeling that’s a question I’ll be trying to answer for a while. That’s okay. I think understanding love is a process. I’m not there yet. I still have a hard time telling my friends I love them because I’m afraid of what might happen if I let words that heavy out of my mouth and free into the universe. Some of the kids here have already told us “I love you.” I think there’s a lot I could learn from them.
2 Corinthians 6:18 “And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” Says the Lord Almighty.
