The thing I had to reevaluate in order to come on this trip was my idea of home and safety. I had to come to the conclusion that security is something that can really only come from the Lord. So I let go. I left my job and gave up my home and even got rid of numerous belongings when I set out.
So now that I’m well into month 10 I feel a little silly saying that I want my home back… especially while we’re on Bali. I miss napping on the couch and being able to read street signs. I miss clean water and having friends a short drive away who fully support unexpected visits from me no matter my mood.
Then it hit me the other day that home will probably not be what I’m expecting. Life has been going on without me. What if the place I imagine I have waiting for me at home isn’t there?
So here I am again: I’m reevaluating what home and security look like to me. Is it my “thinking chairs” and the freedom to take a long drive at any hour of the day? Is it even my community? My return to the States is so close I can taste it, only about 5 weeks.
Maybe I’m lumping home and security together when I shouldn’t, but they look like the same thing from where I stand today.
I don’t think I’ve really found peace yet with all of it. I haven’t come to any revelations; I’m just sitting on the edge of what’s next and trying to keep an open mind and a good attitude.
But this isn’t just a blog about being homesick and uncertain.
For those of you who’re curious as to what I’m actually doing this month: I’m traipsing all around Bali talking to strangers and eating a lot of fried chicken.
Our hosts are a lovely Indonesian couple. It’s been so fun to watch their passion for the people around them. We get to help with a kids program once a week and we’ve been attending a church that meets in an open air restaurant attached to a hotel. Church by the pool. Not a bad gig. A few days ago we visited a group that was made refugees by the recent volcanic eruptions. They’re staying in what was once an open air public meeting space a few miles away from their village. My favorite part of that was sitting with this old lady who spoke no English while she held onto my arm and we laughed at the kids who were playing with one of my teammates.
It’s already been a stretching month for me. I enjoy talking with people, but we’ve been talking to a lot of strangers and it turns out that I’m not as comfortable with that as I thought.
Our access to the internet isn’t quite what it needs to be for me to post pictures right now, but I certainly will when I can. The rice fields are something to see, as are the beaches and the people.
Thanks for reading. You’re the best.
