Today I had a… “moment of realization,” I guess.
[[[Only read on if you like verbose ramblings, and you want to see how my mind functions in numbers 😉 … this blog post isn’t efficient & well-presented… it is an unedited train of thought directly from my mind…]]]
See, I spent a bit of time reminiscing on my World Race so far. I started with going through photos of where I currently am (Thailand), and ended up going back in time all the way through last summer. I even looked at a few pre-training camp photos (which can be dangerous in sparking homesickness).
As I looked at month six’s (Kenya‘s) photos, there was a little time tag in the corner that said “11 weeks ago.” What? Eleven weeks? Kenya still feels like it JUST happened.
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And as I looked at month five’s (Uganda’s) photos, that time-tag read “16 weeks ago.” Which is absolutely crazy to me because I only have 13 weeks until I will be home. Is it possible the time from Uganda to now is LONGER than the time from now until the end?!
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And as I looked at month one’s (Chile’s) photos, that time-tag read “32 weeks ago.” Thirty-two weeks. How is it possible that, including launch, I left everything I knew thirty-three weeks ago???
I mean. What type of person leaves literally everything and everyone they know for ELEVEN MONTHS (+training camp +launch +project searchlight = one year) to go into the world?! WHAT HAVE I SIGNED MYSELF UP FOR?!
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This, in retrospect, is a bit of an odd question for someone who left home for launch 235 days ago to finally ask… but nevertheless, it hit me today.
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And, to be honest, I am simultaneously feeling overwhelmed at how long I’ve been gone & how much longer I have to go — 91 days… AND I am feeling kind of nervous that all this will be over in a blink.
You see, I first heard about The World Race in 2012. And ever since then, it has been this big lifelong dream// goal of mine to go. Near the beginning of college —maybe in 2014— I started a savings account for it, and it ended up with a few thousand dollars in it… which I would later drain to pay off college loans, but still… the thought was there.
In the five years+ between hearing about it and actually applying, wanting to go would hit me in waves. Some months I would be about ready to drop my whole life to go and I would do research on available routes, and other months I would think it was just a dream that would never acutally happen. Whatever the case, there was still a FIVE YEAR build up to this dream actually starting.
In the first days of 2018, after I had just graduated college, and after a late-night chat with my dear childhood friend Eryn, I realized that it was ”now or never.” So, I applied… and I got accepted… and I committed to going.
The next seven months would prove to be the hardest I’d ever worked.
The trip itself was $19k, vaccinations were about $2k, gear was about $2k, flights to the various preparatory & conclusory events were close to another $1k… spending money & medical money for the Race was going to be about another $3k… and various other costs (including the cost of living before the Race) was easily another $3k.
I stood at the beginning of January 2018 with no debt, and no money, wanting to leave on a $30k mission trip 7 months later when I didn’t even have a job at the time. My mindset switched to one setting “game on.”
2018 was an absolute blur. I worked up to 90hours/week, and I sped ahead in absolute maximum speed. Honestly, I never would have made it without those who supported me (spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally, etc.). But, through the grace of God, through the most effort I’ve ever put into life, and through some incredible people — special shoutout to my donors! — I stumbled across the finish line to start the World Race.
That’s kind of an odd way to phrase it, but it is exactly how I felt. I stumbled across a finish line to start the World Race. And so, the Race started like the last season ended, in a blur.
So now, as I sit here, getting ready to embark on MONTH 9 (holy cow, what?!), it’s like the blur is finally lifting, and I am beginning to realize just how much time has passed, and how little time I have left on the Race.
It really hit me on a deep level today that I committed to The World Race a little over 60 weeks ago (around 430 days ago), that I sent out my support letters 56 weeks ago (392 days ago), that I bought my backpacking bag 47 weeks ago (329 days ago), that I went to training camp 42 weeks ago (294 days ago), and that I launched on The World Race a little over 33 weeks ago (235 days ago)… and now, I’ll be home in 13 weeks (91 days).
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From the day I heard about the World Race, to the day I will finish Project Searchlight (more on that later), my World Race journey will conclude with a time stamp of almost SEVEN YEARS. That’s over 30% of my life. And that was my moment of realization. Finishing the World Race is… well, scary for me.
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I guess I didn’t really realize it until now (especially because the past 1.25 years have been an absolute blur), but the World Race has been a huge part of my life. It’s the first thing I really did in “adulthood,” and I think that is going to define a lot of what I do with the rest of my life. It has been a part of me for 30%+ of my life, and now that the final 3 months lay before me, I’m kind of at a loss for words.
Part of me, especially after seeing photos of Colorado (of Chautauqua & my friends/family & my soccer team & the live video produciton team at Flatirons, etc.), cannot wait to get home.
Two of my best friends and I even already have bought tickets to an event in Denver for later this summer, and it just adds to the excitement of returning.
I mean, I will also get to see my LITTLE SISTER after 11 months of only video chatting her (how have I made it this long without her?!).
I will get to be in my parents’ house, WITH MY PARENTS, and enjoy a summer barbecue, and PET MY DOGS!!!
I’m going to get to spend time with one of my best friends before she leaves for a semester abroad in Spain.
I’m going to get to make fun of my sister’s boyfriend (and his little brother) in person again…
I will get to sleep in a room by myself, have my own bathroom, use warm & running water, have huge amounts of access to gluten-free food, etc. I will be in a safe enough area to go on runs, I will have access to a gym, and the air quality will be good enough to spend time outside…
But.
Part of me cannot fathom a life without The World Race to look forward to. My memories for the first 1/3 of my life are fairly limited, and thus I would say that almost 50% of the memories I have include The World Race imbedded as a dream into them.
This was it… my big dream. And I am so, so, so fortunate to have lived it.
I do not say this lightly: it has been the most challenging year of my life, and there is nothing I could have done to prepare for its challenges. I honestly wish I could have approached its challenges MUCH more gracefully… but, I think that was part of the purpose of this year: to grow tremendously into who God uniquely created me to be, and to grow into the type of person who can love all types of people well for the rest of my life… what a difficult lesson to learn!
This crazy, beautiful, broken world was my dream to explore and serve & love others in. I’ve gotten to spend a year building Kingdom, assisting long-term missionaries, bringing life to dead souls, loving forgotten people, and being the light of the world, and so much more.
Seeing the world has been AWESOME. There’s a plethora of incredible stuff out here. And the people around the world… they’re even better than the places themselves. I have met the most incredible people this year, and I am SO thankful I got to spend a part of my life getting to know them.
But.
There’s a part of me that feels my “need to explore the world” has been fulfilled.
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And don’t get me wrong!! I am certainly looking forward to the next three months out here… Seriously, Southeast Asia is AMAZING, and if you haven’t been here, I suggest you find a way to get here.
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It’s just really odd to experience this for the first time in my life: to have achieved a long-term, BIG life goal. There’s only a few that we really talk about in the USA… “get married, get the dream job, see the world, etc.” And the only one I really wanted or pursued thus far was to “see the world.” Movies like Tarzan, Up, Mulan, Anastasia, The Emperor’s New Groove, The Wild Thornberrys, and so many others have just set my soul on fire to go see the nations ever since I was little. And now… I did it. I‘ve seen the world.
Now, I am completely aware that by the end of The World Race I will only have been to 24 countries in my lifetime (25 if you count airports 😉 ). I know there are SO many others I can travel to. That’s not quite the point, though…
I guess the point is this: a huge season of my life is ending. Yes, I may travel again in the future, HOWEVER, I will probably never again travel like I did this year… in a radical, ambitious, overwhelming, year-long Kingdom trip.
And my goal for the past almost seven years wasn’t “to travel,” it was “to do The World Race.” And that, my friends, is starting to come to an end. And it’s scary… because this has been what I have been aiming for for so long… I just had a moment of realization that, well, I don’t know what’s next.
Thanks for reading,
Love you all,
rebecca
