On The World Race, finding alone time is about as easy as finding the wardrobe to the magical land of Narnia ( and I would not be surprised if current or past Racers have hidden in closets or cupboards in search of a little peace and quiet, or for a good hiding spot when playing Sardines). Alone in the world of us Racers means cramming ear buds into your ears, pulling your hoodie over your head, putting on your best “do not disturb me or else” face and finally, praying that no African or Asian children will use you as a jungle gym for at least the next 15 minutes.
But today, ladies and gentlemen, a World Race anomaly occurred. I was alone.
Since I am a Squad Leader I travel a lot, hopping around a country from team to team. The past three months this has been rough… Oh Africa. Three months of crowded busses with missing seat cushions (just metal frames), livestock clucking, baaing or defecating at your feet, drunk men that propose to you in clicking languages and then try to kiss you, and of course the truely putrescent stench of “African armpit” that seems to follow you across borders, wafting its way into your next country of residence.
But in all of this, I was never alone (wipe off your forehead dad, you didn't raise no fool). Team “Squad Leader” traveled together across the continent of Africa. This meant that wherever I went my “soldier” (as he came to be known) Robert was with me. Praise the Lord for amazing brothers!
Now, my feet are shaking off African dust and find themselves in the rich dark soil of Romania. I have made it to the last third of the race, Europe. I am about to board a train to visit another team. NINE hours by myself traveling across Europe. And this may sound very silly, but a part of me is a little nervous. The “what if’s” play through my mind:
I don’t speak the language, so what if I miss my stop? What if no one understands the word toilet and this turns into a three year-old-me road trip of practicing my ABC’s so I don’t wet myself? What if my bag is stolen while I am asleep? What if my bag is too heavy to lift on my own into the overhead rack? What if I have to sit next to a creeper?
I can have a tendency to let my mind swarm with “what if’s”. “What If’s” that are bigger than this one train ride:
- What if I miss the path God has marked out for me?
- What if I am not listening intently enough and I miss something the Lord is saying or something He wants to do?
- What if I don’t have enough money?
- What if no one will hire me?
- What if I am just not good enough?
- What if no one ever wants to marry me?
- What if I am not praying hard enough or often enough for the people in my life? Will God still take care of them?
And then a thought hits…. a thought that speaks with a voice that is deeper and stronger than all my “What If” voices and cuts right through them.
“What if I lived like I actually trusted the Lord? What if I allowed His promise of protection and provision to become my reality, not just my ‘spirituality’? What if I actually lived each day knowing as fact that I am in my Father’s arms?”
What an earth shaking thought. “What would that look like?” I wondered to myself.
Enter the Father and His heart to teach.
I am standing at the train platform waiting for my 7:56 a.m. train to come in. Tavi, one of our Romanian contacts, is waiting there with me. He is holding his little girl. Her deep blue eyes are alit with trust and adoration as her daddy teaches her new words.
“Apa”, he says as he points to a nearby lake. Water.
“Vache”, pointing to a field of cows.
And then there is silence as Tavi and I are focused on the train tracks ahead. The next train is approaching, full speed. And we are standing just feet from the tracks. The ground begins to shake and a horn blows.
Tavi’s little girl looks up at her daddy with concern. Her curious eyes communicate fear. Even though I do not speak Romanian, I sometimes find myself fluent in “Scared Little Child”. I think we all understand that language on some level.
“Something is happening. Something is coming. Am I safe? Are you scared too? Can I trust you? Will you protect me and take care of me?”
I could read it all on her little innocent face in the same way I can feel it on mine as soon as the ground starts a-shakin’.
Tavi pulls her close to his chest, looks into her eyes and says, “There is a train coming. Look. It’s ok.”
At her daddy’s reassurance and confidence, she relaxed.
“It is ok. Daddy is not scared. Neither am I.”
Within seconds, the train was flying past. The ground was a full on 3.5 on the Richter scale as the train roared past, announcing its presence boisterously with a horn blast and the deep rumble of metal wheels on metal rails; clak, clak.
The little girl’s hair was swirling around her face as the train whipped past. But her features weren’t filled with fear, but rather with amazement to see something so incredible so up close!
It reminded me of the scene in Elf when Buddy chugs a whole liter of soda and then lets out one of the most impressive and lengthy belches even know to man or elf kind. And then proclaims in wonder to all, “Did you hear that!?!”
I love the beauty of innocence in announcing the obvious.
“Daddy! Did you see that train!?”
“She is so brave.” I thought to myself.
And then another thought that I have a feeling was not my own…
“Yeah. But wouldn’t you be too if you knew you were in your Father’s arms?”
Yeah… wouldn’t I?
I want to be like Tavi’s daughter. I am working my way out of the world’s idea of being independent and acting like I am a grown-up 24 year old woman, and going back to what Jesus and the Father desire of me. To become like a child. That is what He requires to enter His Kingdom. That does not mean throwing tantrums or not making wise choices. But rather knowing that as God’s child, He has got me. My Daddy has got me. To trust that He can see what is coming. That He will protect me. That He is good and strong. And that He is not scared.
Nothing scares my Abba! And because of the fearlessness I see in His eyes, I smile at whatever lies ahead. I will choose to have the same childlike trust and heart for adventure that I saw in Tavi’s daughter. I will rest in my Father’s arms and let my hair fly crazy around me as life’s unknowns and intimidators whir past.
I will put my “What It’s” to rest.
I will open my hands to drop all the doubts and fears I carry and instead open them up to hands that are big enough to carry the whole world; the hands that carry me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YiULD_Ng8o
Dear world,
Am I naive? Am I being too silly and too trusting? Am I too innocent and childlike?
I hope so.
