Jesus, I ask you to speak through me, calm my mind and let the words just flow freely rather than me analyzing every thought. Remove my need to want to come across eloquent and articulate. Let these words be from You and a blessing to someone. Amen.
Coming into the race I was excited to spend time in the Word. My desire has always been to have better understanding of scripture, successfully comprehending what I’m reading and the ability to retain it. I have struggled to be consistent with reading my Bible. When we arrived in Cote d’Ivoire I was excited to dive in and spend time with the Lord. I quickly became frustrated as every attempt to read led to reading the same thing over again unable to understand what I was reading. I felt stupid and inadequate. I felt incapable.
I was sharing with my team and squad leader how quickly I become disappointed in myself. I feel like I often should be much further along than I am in my walk with the Lord, that I should be able to read the Bible and understand it, remember what I read and be “better at life” than I feel I am. I quickly beat myself up. A lot of my issues stem from being emotionally unhealthy and having a hard time receiving truth about who I am in Christ. Jesus has made it very clear I am so quick to speak negatively about myself. My squad leader, Michelle, said that she would love to dive into scripture with me and that Psalms 139 is where we would start.
As we went line by line, we broke down each verse and what they were revealing to us…
Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart
139 TO THE CHOIRMASTER A PSALM OF DAVID
1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
19 Oh that you would slay the wicked; O God! O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!
– English Standard Version (ESV)
Truths that were revealed to me…
– I am known and protected by You, You are always with me [1-6]
– Nor height or depth can separate me from the Father’s love [7-10] *Look up Romans 8:39
– The Lord will always cast light for the light is always with Him (Jesus is the light of the world). He provides a light in our darkness there is always hope [11-12]
– God is my Creator, He formed my heart, mind and soul (inward parts) [13]
– My soul knows that I am set apart. I am uniquely, fearfully and wonderfully made. No one can bring Kingdom the way the Lord is asking me to [14]
– My frame = my soul – has never been hidden from you, I have always been known and seen by You [15]
– You know what every day holds for me – He knows what each day will fulfill – I have purpose on this earth and you know my purpose [16]
– How incredible is Your truth about me [17-18]
– Don’t be influenced by lies that are spoken over you or others – know God’s truth and stand firm, do not let lies win, challenge them with scripture [19-22]
– Know the intent of my heart – lead me out of the lies that I may have over myself or about You. Search my heart always so I may live from a foundation of truth so I may live in your Glory [23-24]
– The way everlasting = the good path to the Lord – leading us to see Christ face to face.
– I am worthy to be loved by God.
