[Although written in Swaziland, this blog started a long time ago and has just taken quite a few countries and quite a few experiences to make its way here.]
“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!'” Romans 8:15
On Christmas in Mozambique, we were invited to spend the day at a nearby orphanage run by an American woman, Lee. One of the highlights of the day was the four huge cakes that she baked for all of us to enjoy. There was enough cake for each person to have more than their fill; but, even though Lee announced that the cakes were for everyone, some of the orphans didn't come and get a slice. Instead, they watched us eat, clearly hoping that they could have a piece, but not making a move to come and get it.
“Well, that's the orphan mindset right there,” Lee commented. “And I won't just bring them their cake, I want them to have the confidence to know that they have enough value to come and get what's already been offered to them.”
I've become aware of how much cake I've left on God's table. Part of my journey on the race is learning to come and get all the good stuff that God's already offered, to truly believe that He loves me perfectly. I was reminded by squadmates the other day that His thoughts are not my thoughts- and that includes His thoughts about me. There are things that I'm frustrated with about myself, things that I'm disappointed with, but, He's not frustrated or disappointed with me. Jesus died so that I wouldn't be imperfect in the Father's eyes anymore. I am his beautiful daughter, fully loved. Easy to type, harder to believe.
After Christmas, my teammates each picked a word that they believed God was speaking over them this new year. When I asked God what my word for 2012 would be, I felt him whisper, “longing.” Longing. It seems like I've spent a lot of time longing for God, and, often it feels like I come up empty. (I'm not saying it's true, I'm just saying that it can feel that way.) A brief flip through the Psalms tells me that I'm not alone. I'll be honest, having the word “longing” hovering over my year didn't exactly feel hopeful. But then I thought about my own wedding, happening in December. To say that I'm longing for the day when I marry Devin would be an understatement; not only am I longing for it, I'm thrilled about it (even if it seems a little far off sometimes!). It gives me joy to think about, and I'm abundantly hopeful about our future together. And I'm sure that's how God wants my heart to be positioned towards his infinite love. Longing to receive more of his love is a hopeful, joyful thing; not something to be suffered through, but something to anticipate with excitement. There's always more for me to receive at God's table as I'm ready to believe how much he loves me.
As I shared the word with my team, John Michael commented that I might not be seeing the word as completely as God intended it to be. “Have you ever considered that the word longing has to do with how God feels about you, and not just about how you feel about God?”
Well, no, I hadn't, actually. That's the orphan mindset right there: His love is on the table, and all I can think about is how hungry I am. Thank God for his loving patience with me while I make up my mind to come and get the cake he's already offered. Goodness knows I love dessert.
