It is 12:40AM on September 22. A month ago I bought a plane ticket to Zambia with the intention of finishing a project we started in March to build two libraries for the Zambia Messianic Fellowship. It seemed so clear that God was opening that door, and I fully intended to be writing this blog from the airport just before departure. However, the door closed and the trip was officially canceled last week. Instead I am in Alabama and staying put, as far as I know, until we depart for Thailand in January.
Don’t be sad for me. Yeah it was a disappointment at first, but this is a good thing. I held onto the ticket until just about the last minute hoping that things would change, that God would miraculously pull the trip together. Then I began praying He would give me peace about not going, and He did. I had complete peace, no doubts as I called and canceled the flight. Pastor’s wife and I will stay in touch, and she will get the libraries set up with her team. Apparently, God’s got another plan for me this fall.
I’ve been feeling antsy; because, I can only take so much prep and planning before I just want to jump in and do. I have three and a half months here in Alabama. I know the time will go quickly. I know that come January I will be shocked it has arrived. But yesterday I said, “God I just want to go, right now, today and start the Race.”
He responded with, “Then you would be going on your own strength. You need this time to prepare, to learn to lean on me. Learn to wait on me in all things. I need you to be dependent on me for direction. You need to trust my voice and obey. You have settled for what is easy and understood. You have compromised yourself and sold yourself short. I want to take you out so you can see what I can accomplish through you. So that you can see that my purpose for you is a higher calling. Remember I said I want more for you. That more is Me and you clothed in righteousness, submitted to My Will, following My path. Only then will you be happy and content and sure you did not miss out.”
Then in Proverbs 20:24 “A man’s steps are of the Lord; How can a man understand his own way?” How perfect is that?
What I’m hearing in all of this is that this last quarter of the year is not to be just physical prep but also spiritual prep. Okay you can stop with the duhs now. 🙂 I know several of you are thinking, “How cool is that. She is being told to just read scripture and pray.” Yes it is, but this is out of my comfort zone and feels funny right now. There are things that need to be done, and I’m being called to rest. It finally clicked today (only took 31 years) that it is not about balance. We are to rest our spirit and turn our spirit to Him as we fulfill the actions He has called us to in the physical. Then there won’t be striving or fear or doubt because we will know that we are walking in His Will.
This summer He began to teach me to rest and be still. Now He is taking it to a whole new level!
