As I’ve prepared for the Race people have asked “What are your concerns” or “Are you sure you want to do this” or have said “I could never do something that big”. To me it’s never been a big thing, it’s just my life, my job, the natural next season. Still I have been pressing in for His reasons because I don’t want this to be my trip; it needs to be His journey.
Thanksgiving week I woke up one morning with the reference Matthew 6:10. I don’t remember the dream except that someone said a country name, maybe more, and then I saw the reference written on a piece of paper. Matt 6:10 is part of the Lord’s Prayer, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” It was encouragement, and it is His heart for our world. His kingdom in every nation.
Yesterday I was crying out for encouragement. I have never doubted or wavered about going on the Race, but this week I just needed something. Not confirmation because that has been given abundantly. More assurance. Assurance that He is still in this and still walking with me. Not because I doubted Him but because my confidence slipped. For nearly a year now, since taking a class on hearing God’s voice, I have had a vision of Yeshua. In the book we were reading, the author says to picture Yeshua when you are praying so that it’s more of a conversation. At first, I had a flat, pretty, vintage greeting card image. Over time as I stopped trying to create a picture He did. Yeshua became a real man who I was actually conversing with when I prayed. I mean His face was blurry, but I was walking and talking to a friend in an outdoor setting. The last few weeks I have been too hurt and numb to do much more than just ask in my spirit for comfort, guidance, and strength. When, yesterday, I looked to that vision it was as if I was standing alone in an empty, white room. I knew He was there, I just couldn’t see anything but emptiness. Then two things happened.
First, I just saw His hand. No words. His hand reaching for me to hold. I physically reached out to grab His hand as I sobbed. That is my vision now, holding Yeshua’s hand for comfort. He has me by the hand and will guide me as we continue this journey.
Second, He said:
“‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added on to you.’ Seek Me. Follow Me in childlike trust. Know I go before and prepare a place for you in the presence of your enemies.”
My team has been praying together lately. It started when our leadership asked us to find intercessors and begin praying about our first city. We know that our journey is not popular with the enemy and he will be working against us now and on the Race. However, we also know that God is already orchestrating divine appointments, opening up opportunities, and softening hearts, ours and theirs. His hand and a promise.
Then He gave me Psalm 119:105, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” and impressed that the word is lamp not spotlight. He is preparing the way and will lead me on, but only step by step. He is not giving me the full picture.
I went to bed comforted but still praying for some kind of tangible encouragement.
Today is Sunday, the day I check my fundraising account and update the progress bar on my blog. As I logged in I thought, “This is how God will encourage me. Today I will be fully funded.” Fundraising was one of the ways God had confirmed to me that the Race was His will. Not a penny had been added to my account this week.
At church we had a guest preacher, a missionary who has served in Mexico for fourteen years. After showing pictures and sharing what life is like and their ministry goals, he had ten minutes to preach on Matthew 10: 17-27, the rich young ruler. He pointed out that in the end after telling the man to give up what he was trusting in (his wealth), Yeshua does not ask the guy to pray a prayer or follow an alter call. He says “Follow me.” Live my life: contentment, dedication, faith, sharing what you know. He encouraged us if you believe go. Reach out in your community. Share with your neighbor. About his family’s life he said, “That’s normal. That’s believing.”
That was my encouragement. The Race is normal. Not because it is what everyone should do or because living out of a backpack in 11 countries in 11 months and sleeping in a tent proves I’m a good Christian. Because this is the path that Yahweh has called me to. Because following Yeshua means living His life, sharing His message with the world, depending on Him, being content in everything, and having faith that He will be there every step of the way. It’s going to have challenges and there will be tears. There will be days when only God’s strength carries me through. “I don’t need easy. I just need possible” (AnnaSophia Robb playing Bethany Hamilton in Soul Surfer) and with God all things are possible.
Later as I thought back to my expectation that God would bring encouragement through funds, I sensed God chuckle. “I created the entire world with all of its diversity, and you expected me to reuse a method of confirmation!”
