When most people hear the word ‘fast’, immediately their minds go to food. But a lot of the time, God calls us to fast other things, things much harder to say no to doing and much harder to obey when He asks. This week, God called me to a speech fast. I know, I know.. Becca not talking?! Every single person who has ever met me can agree on three things: 1. I love to smile. 2. I have beautiful eyes. and 3. I can out talk pretty much anyone. With amount of words, volume, and speed. The Lord has told me many times in my quiet time and through a lot of people around me that my words have power. That I was blessed with a gift of a powerful voice. The problem was believing it and learning how to use it. And that’s exactly what Jesus is teaching me. Use your words carefully and with purpose. They have power.
I love to talk. A lot. And I always have. This year I’ve learned why.
These last 6 months have been greater than, different than, and more perfect than I could ever imagine. I have laughed, loved, cried (more times than I care to remember), been crushed, fallen down, been lifted up, and just about everything else. But the great thing is: it’s all been so worth it. They have taught me about my past: it wasn’t perfect. In fact, it sucked. I’ve been hurt by people, friends and family. And it was so obvious in the way I reacted to people. I constantly searched for a way to connect with people in every conversation I had. My friends like to tell me I have a story for everything…
I was full of fear. Fear of not being loved, fear of rejection, fear of being alone. Because that’s how I viewed myself.
Alone, unloved, and rejected.
And so I did everything I could to fight to be with people. Fight to feel connected with people to find love. Fight to keep relationships that were lost from the start. I had a story for everything to strive to connect with people. I hated being alone. And the enemy fed off of it. Every time I was alone, he fed me lies. That people didn’t want to be around me. That they didn’t like me. I let him make the fear worse.
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” Proverbs 29:25
And then God shouted at me. Multiple times. Learn to love being alone. Just be with me. Come to me.
TALK TO ME.
And I didn’t listen.
I shut him down because of my fear. Being with Him felt like being alone. I let the enemy win.
Sure, I was growing and changing in many ways. But the one thing He’d been shouting in my face, I disobeyed. I thought my self control would help better than His commandments. And then BOOM!
I fell back. I had come so far forward. And I fell 20 steps back. I fell hard. Flat on my face.
He took everyone from me. My team wanted nothing to do with me because all my reactions were out of fear. I was not fun to be around. I didn’t even want to be around me.
And it was in that time alone, He showed up full force. He laughed right in my face because I was finally starting to get it. And then I started laughing (after crying quite a bit first…)
The crazy, amazing thing is, Jesus was there through it all. He was in every single moment of my past. Every time I was rejected. Every time I shut myself in room and cried myself to sleep. He was the one caring for me. Turning bad influences away. Sheltering me and putting His arms around me. He has loved me from day one because he put the breath of life in me. he puts it in every single human. If we know Him or we don’t, he’s always there.
And so the Lord told me it’s time to learn to love to be alone. But the truth is, I’m never alone. He’s always right there next to me and He wants me to choose Him over going downstairs to hang out with my team. He wants me to choose to stay home and talk to Him instead of going into town. That’s all he ever wanted. Me to be with him. To hang out with him. And most importantly, do what I’m so good at: talk to him.
Praying out loud is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I’m a verbal processor, so why not process verbally with God? And so I did. And it was more than that. It was voicing the fears I held inside. Thoughts are what the enemy loves to twist and turn. Thoughts can be dragged down into the dark. But spoken words? Those are thrust into the light. Speak truth out loud. Speak lies out loud. Call them them out as lies. Once they are in the light, they can no longer be used against you. The enemy plays with lies in our head, but lies brought to light will be destroyed and the truth will out.
Words have power.
I bet you’re now wondering what this whole thing had to do with a speech fast after telling you about speaking things out.. Well after that amazing epiphany, the Lord then told me to shut my mouth. I was so confused. And then he whispered to me… He told me now that I understand the power of words, I need to learn to use mine more carefully.
“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruins.” Proverbs 13:3
My voice is something to be reckoned with. It’s loud. Powerful. It carries. It touches people. And if I keep using it recklessly, if I keep speaking over people, if I keep striving to be heard, I never will be. People may hear my voice, but they don’t always listen. Wisdom comes only from the Lord and words used without wisdom are meaningless. So he told to be quiet. And to look to the wisdom right in front of me. From the women I get to call my sisters, our host who is wise beyond her years, the wisdom of children, nature right outside my window. Love the silence in your room. Love the voices of those around you. Listen. Learn. And you will see and hear the wisdom of the Lord and gain it for yourself. Words have power. Use them wisely.
“..if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God For the Lord gives wisdom; and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Proverbs 3: 1-6
And so I am fasting from speech for 2 days. And for every morning until after we eat breakfast. Until I am filled with wisdom from the Lord and he tells me to stop.
So if you meet me in the morning, and all I do is smile… Know that I say hello and I hope you slept well!
( PS Can you tell I’ve been studying Proverbs? Hahaha)
God bless and I love you guys! Thanks for the continued prayer, love, and support.
Also I’m still fundraising for my final deadline in less than a week! I’m still $2500 away so if you can, help a sister out! Hahaha please consider helping me stay on The World Race so I don’t get sent home! Love you guys!
