My World Race so far has been more than I could have ever imagined.
Before training camp, I was a lukewarm Christian. I had no idea what it meant to really let God in.
I found Him at training camp. But not long after, I fell into old habits and fell back away from him.
Then when it got closer and closer to launch, I kept thinking about saying no to the race.. but for some reason I never did.
About 3 weeks before launch in January, I had a breakdown and convinced myself I was too broken to go on The Race. I was depressed, I was angry, I was telling myself lies. I felt that I had too many things to change and grow in myself before I could minister to those around the world.
I kept asking myself: How can I tell others about how great our God is when I don’t live as His son did?
But something told me that I had to press on. I had to go on this Race.
God kept calling me.
The last night of launch, I was still considering going home. But then I talked to a friend who is in CGA and he just laughed when I told him my fears. He asked me if I knew his story and told me that his was very similar. And in that I felt God was finally confirming that this was where I was supposed to be.
And boy was He right. In these past two months, I have grown and changed more than I could in a year at home. I know I’m far from perfect and have a lot of things to transform about myself and I have no doubt that by the end of this year, I will be a new me.
These changes come from all sorts of experiences and people. I mostly have my team to thank. The 6 people I’m blessed to call my family are a huge part of my change. I’ve never had a close group of friends that I felt I could ask to help me change and hold me accountable to those changes. I’ve always felt alone in trying to learn what I needed to change. But God gave me an amazing group of men and women that actually love me for who I am and want to help me become the best me I can. Don’t get me wrong, I have the best group of friends back home, but I’ve always had a fear of acceptance and actually opening up and asking for help. God just shoved that right in my face and showed me how scared I was of allowing people in and to let them love me.
And now that has been broken off and is no longer who I am. I understand how loved and accepted I am for the first time.
My depression has almost completely disappeared. After dealing with it for almost 10 years, the freedom to feel happy all the time is something I never imagined.
I am accepted by my community, and most importantly, I’m accepted by God. He always has room for one more son or daughter to take under his protection and love.
