Control and trust.
Those two words seem to go hand in hand. They have been everywhere in my life recently. Tonight my Bible study group was reading about the Israelites not trusting God in 1 Samuel and wanting a king to rule over them instead of THE King, Christ Jesus. Or giving up the control I thought I had and putting full trust into the Lord’s ultimate plan for me.
My whole life I have tried to be in control. I thought I knew best. Sure, I believed in God but I never gave much thought into understanding what that really meant. I had my whole life planned out:
Valedictorian at high school graduation,
med-school and eventual trauma surgeon,
married in my early twenties,
done with kids by thirty and
living happily ever after in a lifestyle that provided enough for us to live comfortably.
Valedictorian turned into just barely surviving high school, trauma surgeon turned into a six year, enlisting in the Navy in the middle, switched my major 3 times and graduated with criminology and psychology degrees, to not being anywhere close to marriage or children and committed to living the life of a missionary surviving day to day only by the grace of God and His loyal supporters.
Hmm..so much for my plan, could have sworn I had it made perfect! I guess it’s time for me to finally admit, I have no control and my plan is broken. But the beauty of this is I have found freedom because in giving up that control I have discovered what it means to trust the Lord.
This year has had its ups and downs, more so than any other year of my life. I have challenges ahead of me I must face that are by no means a walk in the park. Serious challenges for some seriously stupid decisions I made. Yet I have never been more at peace in my life than I am now. It may not make sense, but God works in mysterious ways.
About two months ago I finally gave up control.
I had hit a bottom.
I had no way out.
I had failed.
But God has not forsaken me. Only by his mercy and love was I saved. It was His gentle push, or sudden impact I didn’t see coming, that got me on my feet.
A whisper that lead me to The World Race.
A silent call from His heart to mine: ‘My child, I am here. Follow me and I will show you the way.’
As He held out His hand, I took it in mine.
And I have not looked back ever since.
"and as He stands in victory, sins curse has lost its grip on me.
for I am His and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ."
