I remember it like it was yesterday.
‘You are not going on your mission trip.’
Those words resonated in my mind like a knife cutting straight through my heart.
‘We have to enter a plea. There is no other choice. You will be sentenced to 180 days in jail, two years probation, 100 hours of community service, 1 year license suspension and a Mother’s Against Drunk Driving seminar.’
There I sat in the courthouse crying hysterically, feeling my dream slip away. The thought of having to wait two years until I could go on The World Race was almost too much for me to handle. My life seemed to stop and I was sure there was no hope for my future.
I had finally ruined it all. This was my final screw up. I saw myself as worthless and hopeless, a convict and a failure.
It wasn’t the jail I was worried about. It wasn’t the probation. It wasn’t really even about me. It was the people I had hurt. The ones I had caused so much pain. My heart broke for the family and friends of the officer. My heart broke for my family and friends.
Growing up I couldn’t have asked for more. I had two parents who loved me. I had a brother, grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles and cousins. I had it all. From the outside my life was perfect. I suppose it was perfect, then life happened. I was forced to see the darkness that comprises our world, the fall of man, the sins, struggles and temptations that everyone faces.
From my best guess it started when I was seven. Though I was so young and did not have a tight grasp on what was happening I knew it was wrong.
“Don’t tell you’re parents.” Those words tortured my mind for years, always getting the best of me. For the next seven years of my life I stayed loyal to that request. I had a secret, one that would destroy every ounce of my being until I ended up in the dark pit that is known as rock bottom.
At that bottom there was also a light. The only light that shines in even the darkest of places. This is where God’s glory truly exists; through pain. To feel like the world is crashing down around me, and just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore I realized that God’s hands have been holding me the whole time. He was right there with me through every battle.
With my life hanging in the balance, one hand on the trigger one hand on my Bible, I gave God an ultimatum; Lord if you don’t save my life I will take my life.
But this life, this story, is not about me. It is about how God took His broken, sinful daughter and loved her back to life. It is about redemption.
