You count it as normal because you believe there’s nothing else for you. And even if there is possibly a better option, you don’t know how to get out. You’re in too deep. You’re already tainted. You already feel so lowly about who you have become. Where would you go? There’s no place for you outside of this. You’re already so numb. It’s all so normal now. It even seems right. For that matter, they’re probably right in what they say about you. Ignoring how empty you feel, you let go and say yes to your reality. You see the girl you once were drift further and further away.
On Friday night, I entered into someone else’s definition of normal. I walked through the Red Light Districts of Bangkok. In preparation for this night, I soaked in the truth of God’s character I knew I would need. I felt Him saying to retreat to Him, just as a young child draws into their dad when introduced to a new scary circumstance. By retreating, He would give me bravery. How backwards does that sentence sound? But all that we long for and hope to be, He already is. He doesn’t give me strength, He IS strength. And so I chose that night to cling to my Dad’s arms as I walked into unfamiliar territory.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. We walked 20 minutes to a plaza with bright lights and a sign reading “The World’s Largest Adult Playground.” Each floor level had its own selection of bars, but despite the variety of raunchy themes & advertised services, they all had one main thing in common—girls with a number pinned to their bikini or lingerie. Girls who stood, sat, or beckoned. Girls with flirty smiles, but empty eyes. “Kathoeys” with their fake breasts, fake hair, fake eyelashes & contacts. Girls who looked miserable, but tried to find that one last swig in their beer bottle. Girls filled with angst as they watched their opportunity for profit dissipate when prospective men lost interest in them. Girls busied themselves with that stick of cheap lipstick or bowl of rice in hopes of looking invisible. Girls acted as sexy as possible trying to get anyone to enter their bar.
The girls were on rotation. Some on the outside. Some inside putting on a show. Some on the fakest dates I’ve ever witnessed in my life. Pick the girl you want. Buy her a drink. Drinks pay for show. Buy the girl. Services available. And this is normal. Normal. There’s a nice Marriott around the corner that’s in on the whole thing. There were men from all over the world. I lost count of how many different accents I heard. I tried not to make eye contact with the men, but I didn’t even need to glance at them to know what I would find. The same empty look was in every pair of eyes in this place. Maybe some had come to Thailand to try and fill that void in their hearts. But they had taken a wrong turn on their search for fulfillment. Not just a wrong turn, this district was a dead end. They left with an empty wallet, no lasting satisfaction, and emptiness as a travel companion. The second district was in a brightly lit ally. It was cheaper & dirtier, but it was all the same. The light coming from the illuminated signs advertising the strip clubs and bars only added to the weight of darkness.
But another Light was introduced that night. “For God, who said, ‘Let there be light in the darkness,’ has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” 2 Cor. 4:6-7. I carry the Spirit wherever I walk. With Him, ministry can be as simple as walking into places that lack His presence. I sang worship songs under my breath the entire time. It felt liberating and rebellious to breathe words of Life into a place that is void of love. I experienced intimacy with Jesus Christ in a brothel. In the darkness, I was conscious of my need for Him. Not a second passed when He wasn’t on the forefront of my thoughts. Where the darkness threatened to suffocate, I felt Him give me my breath. He set me apart, and yet I looked at them knowing that I in my flesh am just as broken. May I never lose the wonder of His grace!
Imagine what could happen when carriers of Light sit down and talk with these girls. I met a mission team currently living in Bangkok who focuses on bar ministry where they build ongoing relationships with the girls and introduce them to the idea of leaving the sex trade. They are partnered with an organization called Samaritan’s Creations. This ministry ‘exists to rescue, restore, and empower women ensnared by the sex trade in Thailand by offering them an alternate form of income to prostitution.’ I got to visit the shop where women set free from the sex industry make coffee, baked goods, jewelry, and more.
This blog began with lies. Lies these women believe. Lies that keep them stuck in their current situation. God has set a fire in my heart for women caught in cycles of abuse. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but I have to go back to places like that. I know I might not see the system change in my lifetime, but if I could help even just one of these women find freedom from a lifestyle of bondage, then that is worth living my life for. I don’t know what He’s doing or what my future looks like, but I know who He is and who He tells me I am.
“Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.”
