I’m standing at the edge of a cliff. And I can still see the ground beneath my feet…solid, safe, unmoving. Familiar. But just beyond is the drop off. Blackness. Nothingness. If I take one more step forward, I will fall.
Into unknown territory…into a world I’ve never seen before.
When I close my eyes, that’s the picture I see. Scary darkness just in front of me…and in my next step forward I will leave all that I’ve known for something much MUCH bigger than me. And I’m not just stepping into it. No, I’m jumping. Someone told me today, “You are so brave for doing this!” But I couldn’t disagree more…INSANE? Oh yes. Brave? Hardly. I’m terrified and just holding on to Jesus for dear life!
I still can’t believe I’m doing this. This thing called the World Race, which always seemed like an impossible dream, and something I’d never do – I am about to begin. On Friday, October 1, 2010, I am leaving this place I call home in Colorado and surrendering it all for 11 months.
I’ll be missing Christmas. My 21st. Thanksgiving. Weddings, and most likely a funeral. I’ll miss others’ birthdays, Valentine’s Day and New Year’s.
My bags are just about packed, but my life isn’t as ‘in order’ as I wanted it to be. I feel like I’m constantly in motion, constantly doing something. Am I stressed? Oh yes. Nervous? Yes! But I have something that’s completely ridiculous and makes no sense at all at a time like this – I have peace.
I signed up for this trip about 5 months ago. 5 months. God told me to do this and I was definitely not so sure. And even after being accepted – I still was hesitant. $14,500 is inSANE, Lord! I told Him more than once. Are you crazy or am I? I have less than $100 to my name. You want me to trust you with this? Besides the money, I had my own doubts about myself as a person. What if it was too much for me? What if I can’t handle it? What if I get homesick? What if…
And I realized today, I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
God has provided. And wow, I really do mean that. He’s pulled in over $10,500 in 5 months!!! I don’t deserve it. I didn’t do a thing to deserve this wonderful opportunity. But He’s made a dream a reality for me once again.
So, as I’m sitting here in the comfort of my home, listening to the hum of the fridge in the kitchen and wondering where time has gone, I’m blown away. And very much at peace. I have a family that supports me, even though they’ll miss me. I have friends who have promised to pray for me and my team and our ministry overseas. And overall, I have a God who has directed me to this new adventure with every intention of holding my hand the entire way. I have a Father in heaven who loves me, and wants to use me – yes, ordinary me – to bring the kingdom to earth. He looks at me…and I am somebody to Him.
Oh Jesus. Let my hands be yours and my feet be yours. All I am, all for you.
And so it begins….
