What do you do when all you feel like doing is crawling into your tent and crying about how homesick and tired you are, but there’s an evangelistic crusade happening at the church you live in and you’re expected to be there? And not only that, but you’re also feeling frustrated because they want you to sing a song and you hardly understand the language so you can’t even get anything out of the service?
The way I see it, you have at least three options:
1. Choose to sit in your seat with either a frown or expressionless face, focusing on your emotions and feeding bitterness by continuing to ask yourself “Why the heck do I have to be here right now?” And then cry later.
2. Choose to sit and just read something. Maybe your Bible. Maybe something else. But just sit there doing your own thing, even though it’s still not really what you feel like doing. And then cry later.
3. Choose to engage in the service by worshipping in English while they worship in Spanish and following along to the Scriptures you understand, and paying attention to what is happening in the service just in case the Holy Spirit wants you to play some kind of role in speaking or serving. And then you cry later.
Now, I don’t think this scenario produces a wrong or right option. And actually I’ve chosen all three of these actions at various points in the past month. But I do think there is one option that is better than the rest, and God is showing me a lot in this season that I have to make a choice – a choice to not be a slave to how I feel.
Not being subject to my feelings doesn’t mean I’m suppressing them. It doesn’t mean being a fake person, and just sticking a smile on my face. It means I’m choosing whether I allow them to dictate my attitude and actions.
For instance, the scenario I opened with is genuinely how I felt the other night. These days my feelings seem to be pretty consistent. I feel homesick, exhausted, lonely, anxious, and often frustrated with spurts of happiness and excitement in between.
It took a little while, but over the past month I’ve come to be very aware that these are the emotions I’m experiencing right now. And I’m aware that many of these emotions are a valid result of my circumstances.
Of course I feel homesick. I’m only a month away from being home. Seeing my family and eating delicious food in an air conditioned room are soon-to-be realities,but until then I’m sweating in my tent and eating rice and beans on the daily.
Of course I’m exhausted after spending day after day in the hot sun doing manual labor.
Of course I’m anxious. I have no idea what God wants me to do when I get home from the World Race, and I’m going to have no income for a few months when I get back.
The way I feel is real, and it’s not something I want to ignore. So I cry when I need to. I journal when I need to. I talk it out when I find a listening ear. But as much as it sucks, I am OK with the fact that I feel like this at the moment.
Still God has been showing me that as real as my feelings are, He has still given me a choice to love, serve and worship. I’ll say it again. It’s a choice. And I don’t have to, and actually shouldn’t, wait until the feelings go away.
It’s not easy, but it is possible.
I’m no theologian. I don’t have all kinds of Scripture references right now. I just know what has been working for me, based on my knowledge of God through my relationship with Him.
So here’s how I understand it:
We’re made in God’s image and that consists of three parts – body, soul, and spirit.
My body experiences my circumstances. My soul experiences my feelings. And my spirit experiences God.
Now, when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, I received the Holy Spirit. So I don’t just have any ole, regular spirit. I have the Spirit of God inside of me.
And the Holy Spirit has all of the power of God. So basically, I have all of the power of God inside of my spirit. This means the power of God isn’t in my body or my soul, it’s in my spirit. So it seems to make sense that my spirit should be greater than my body and soul.
So there is a part of who I am, my spirit, where God’s presence resides, that can tell my natural emotions and personality (soul) and actions (body) what to do. And when it’s hard for me, this same Holy Spirit, who is also called the Helper, does exactly that – He helps me!
Now here’s where I get a little Biblical:
I’ve been reading John this month. John 4 has always been one of the most memorable chapters of that book for me, specifically verses 23 and 24, which say “But the hour is coming, and is now here when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
The moment I first read that, I knew that was the kind of worshipper I wanted to be. But I’ve pondered these two verses for years, wondering what exactly it means for me to worship in spirit and truth.
And to me it means that when I worship it isn’t based on what is happening in my life (body) or what I’m feeling at the moment (soul). It’s the choice to worship with the part of me that is consistent – my spirit. And the only reason it’s consistent is because I have the Holy Spirit. It’s also the choice to worship based on the truth of God’s Word – what God has done in the past and what He says to do now.
And just to clarify, when I think of worship, I’m thinking anything the Lord says to do in His Word that is a pleasing offering unto Him. I’m thinking of singing songs of praise. I’m thinking of dance and artwork. I’m also thinking of loving your neighbor. I’m thinking of serving the least of these. I’m thinking of putting yourself last. I’m thinking of sharing the Gospel. I’m thinking of giving up sins. I’m thinking of forgiveness and turning the other cheek. All of these things are a beautiful sacrifice of worship before the Lord.
And He asks us to do these things, not based on how we feel or what is going on around us, but despite those things. He says that true worshippers of Him will do these things based on the power of the Holy Spirit within them and the truth of what His Word says.
I can think of one example of the top of my head of someone who did his best to master this concept, and that gives me hope.
I don’t know if you’ve ever read Psalms, but David faced some pretty awful circumstances and is a whole hell of a lot of real with his emotions. He’s all – “Why are you downcast, oh my soul?” and “I’m weary and refuse to be comforted” over and over again. But He also does something striking to me. In one of my favorites, Psalm 103, he tells his soul to bless the Lord. To me this means, he is telling himself not to act on what His soul is feeling. He’s using his Spirit to tell his body and soul what to do. “Forget not all His benefits!” To me this is translated something like – “Hey soul, I know you feel like things suck right now but you need to physically do something to remind yourself about what God has done for you. Say it out loud or write it down, but recount what you can be thankful to God for and choose to make your soul remember these things. You may not feel like worshipping right now, but you’re going to do it anyway. “
So how do you and I do it?:
We do what David did.
We choose. Daily. Every day, we choose.
We do what God’s Word says to do anyway. It takes action.
We worship when we don’t feel like it because worship is a spirit and truth thing, not a feeling and circumstance thing.
If you pray in tounges, do that. And if you don’t, look into it (1 Corinthians 14) and ask God about it. Personally, I believe tounges is my direct communication to the Spirit, when my soul has no idea what the hell to pray. And I’m pretty sure Paul needed to pray in tounges more than all of us because to go through all the persecution he did he probably needed to remind his soul and body over and over again not to give up and stop preaching the Gospel.
We speak to our souls. Literally.Out loud. Remind yourself of the truth. It’s weird at first. But it’s also powerful.
And thank you Jesus that through the power of the Holy Spirit, I’m getting to the point where I can say “Soul, you are not the boss of me. Circumstances, you are not the boss of me. You might make feel a certain way, but the Holy Spirit in me is greater and I will not act on you. I will be led by the Spirit.”
