About five months ago, in March, the Lord gave me a distinct word that He was about to do "a new thing" in me through a passage of scripture.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rives in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19
So for the past few months I have anxiously been anticipating this new thing. I mean, obviously the World Race is new. But actually since college graduation, almost nothing else in my life has been new. I moved home to the same house I've always lived in, jumped right back in to ministry at the church I've been at for the past 8 years, and resumed work at the same job I've had since high school.
Still, holding on to God's promise, one of my few expectations for World Race training camp was that God would show me what He meant.
Well, He did. But I really didn't like it at first.
You see, one of the aspects of my training camp was getting in on some super-sound, extremely thought-provoking theological teaching. One of these teachings was about grieving loss – something I had never really thought about but figured I was surely already doing unconsciously.
I was wrong.
I began listing various losses in my life. I quickly found that I had way more than I first imagined, and that I had only actually thought about, cried about and prayed about a couple of the items on the page-long list I created. I listed everything from loss of my identity as a student to the loss of youth to the one that simply shocked me and surprisingly brought tears to my eyes – the loss of leadership roles.
For the first time, I realized that I have literally always had a title of leadership in some form or another since probably late middle school. Most recently, I passed the torch for the most significant leadership role I've ever had – president of my sorority. And now suddenly, I had nothing. And I didn't like it. At all.
Quickly I resolved in my head that there was still hope. Team and logistics leaders had yet to be announced. But at the end of training camp, I was neither.
Now I understand that not having a role doesn't mean I don't have leadership qualities anymore. I'm still a leader. And I know at some point in the race, God might allow me to lead. Or He might not. Either way, I now have to examine myself with thoughts like "Why does this bother me so much? Was my identity in the titles I had? I know I struggle with pride, but is it that much deeper than I realized? Am I jealous of the other leaders? I don't think I am. But am I? I don't think that I have trouble with authority, but do I?"
And honestly, the answer to a lot of those questions is probably "yes." But thank goodness I serve a God who took those sins upon Himself and gives me His grace! I'm still processing this and working it out with the Lord, and I know I'll need to continue to seeking God about it while I'm on the race. For now, I'm trying to grieve it as a loss, and sharing it online is definitely part of that process.
But since camp, my conversations with the Lord can be summarized into something like this:
Raychel – "God, what the heck?"
God – "Raychel, this is the new thing. It's a season of learning to submit. Learn to follow. Learn to listen. Learn to give other people a chance. Learn to let Me be Me. You get to sit back and just allow Me to work. Trust Me, this is a blessing. I'm still going to use you, but in a new way. Welcome to this season of submission."
Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you. Hebrews 13:17
While this season seems uncomfortable right now, I know this is a good thing. I love God, and He works all things together for my good. He has called me to His purpose, and this is part of it. So for however long this season of submission is, I am committed to doing what the verse above says.
So to all the AIM and I Squad leaders: I have confidence in you, and I will do my very best to submit to your authority and make your work a joy!
With all that said, I am excited to share with whoever is reading this that training camp was beyond awesome. Camp stretched me physically, emotionally and spiritually. I experienced incredible freedom in worship and witnessed the miraculous power of the Holy Spirit! I met my squad, which is full of some of the most remarkable men and women I've ever met. I also now have a phenomenal team who I will post about soon! I can't wait to live in intentional, honest community with all of these beautiful people. Overall, I feel somewhat more prepared for the journey ahead of me. And lastly, I am blessed to be transitioning into this new thing that God is doing in me, in His body, and in this world!
