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Less than 24 hours ago, I lay on the floor of my closet struggling to catch my breath and struggling not to give into the negative spirits of doubt, fear, and distrust in the Lord…
…3 Hours earlier…
“I’m sorry to break this to you, but you can’t leave your fundraising board in here all weekend”.
…”Um ok, no worries. I just brought it to share with my ministry team, not that I planned to leave it during the whole weekend”…
“I’m so sorry”.
…”It’s Ok. Stop apologizing!”…
“So you understand?”
…”Yeah, I understand. Do you need me to go get it now?”…
“No, not at all. Just as you head out.”
…”Got it”…
As I left out, the ministry servant who was hoping to share my fundraiser all weekend apologized. I felt like everyone on the leadership side of the ministry team avoided me for the rest of the evening. They were definitely avoiding to look me in the eyes. I called for my Uber and headed home. I had to do a little bit of work and was truly distracted by what just happened. I was not mad them for the correction, but I panicked that another fundraising door had closed. So why am I so emotional about this? It’s not the first door that has closed and it won’t be the last. I intellectually know and understand that this will happen. Why is this bothering me?
This morning in my alone time with God I was brutally honest in telling God how I feel.
“Lord, I’m scared. I’m scared that the money will not be raised by the deadline, I’m scared that I’m not fully trusting in you; I’m scared that I’m being like the stubborn Israelites that were brought out of Egypt and saw everyone of your amazing feats and miracles and were blessed by your protection and provision, but still didn’t trust you. I don’t want to be that person! HELP ME!!!
Fast forward…
9 am Forward class, lean into the appetite for eternal. Don’t expect your legitimate needs to be fulfilled by illegitimate sources. God is your source of Identity, Security, Intimacy, Companionship, Purpose, and Legacy. Anything outside of Him is an idol. ~Got it. I understand.~
So what has me set in a panic?
11 am service “You felt that panic because you have been comparing yourself to the blessings on the journey of others”. –Robert Madu
Fundraising is fun and easy, said no one ever!!!!!!
This journey of humbling yourself to first trust in someone named God that you cannot physically see and then to trust that He will warm the hearts of others who will to want to join your support team and then trust that all of this will happen based on the timing of the deadlines for your trip. If you haven’t noticed, that is a lot of trusting. People, including me, struggle to trust in the things they SEE let alone trusting in things they can’t see.
“Hi! My name is Rashidat Odeyemi and I have trust issues.”
“Hi Rashidat”.
Not to mention, I have connected with my amazing team that I will be doing life with on The Race and they are sharing how some have met the first deadline, how another is 51% funded, how another is FULLY funded, and if we want to win squad wars we need to have as many people as possible to meet their first deadline by July 8th. O_o The pressure! Lord, I give it to You because I am not strong enough to bear the weight.
“I’ve already told you, I have it handled. So why are you so panicked? I spoke a Word to you today through Robert Madu. I told you ‘stop complaining about the piece you didn’t receive and start being thankful for the masterpiece I’m creating [in you through this situation]’. There are many tools that the Devil uses to kill, steal and destroy, but child hear me when I say ‘comparison is the number 1 tool of destruction’. The Devil was an angel who fell because he compared himself to Me. Don’t fall in that trap.’ You are enough because I made you!”
Thank you Lord for reminding me. I needed that. You affirmation is true, Your Spirit never leaves me, and your love and patience are endless. Thank you.
