Coaching at RashidatO.com | Social Activism at Whereveryougolove.com
IG: @RashidatO_ FB: @WhereverYouGoLove.com
I don’t think I have expressed this before, but I am thoroughly blessed to have this opportunity to share my journey with you. As I live in this culture of community I realize that the Devil attacks us, then he makes us feel as if we can’t share that we are/were attacked, and in essence, he is doing these things to isolate us and make us feel alone and separated from our life line. He makes us feel that when things are wrong that the last people we should go to are God and our community of Christian fellowship because he lies in our ear and says that God and other Christians will judge us, none will accept us, we are dirty and unworthy. But those statements are so, so far from the truth!
The beauty of sharing my journey with you is explaining that I have nothing figured out. The only reason I am surviving is because of His grace and mercy. And in the midst of my weakness He still can, will, and has used me and wants the same with you. It was my honor to glorify God through my story in the Philippines and I pray that you are able to relate to all that I share and learn the Truth that I have learned.
Every time we have sex with someone there is a connection that happens. Paul tried to articulate what happens in one of his letters, but even he said that it is a mystery that he did not fully understand. With this connection, we give part ourself to the person in which we have sex. This connection is called a Soul Tie. A soul tie is an unseen bond that ties us to a relationship – a tie where we have bonded, attached, and become connected with someone or something.
I grew up in a poor part of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where a lot of young people grew up without parents in their households that taught them about life. That left wild teenagers the opportunity to run around engaging in their hormone filled urges. So much so that in 8th grade, one of my classmates already had 2 children. Needless to say, there were not many established boundaries in my community. As far as the general public in my school was concerned, sex was IMPORTANT, if not one of the most important things in life.
I grew up in a household that did not think this way, but I didn’t learn the contradiction of this message either. My mom simply did not talk about sex and my father was not in the picture. I remember when I hit puberty in 5th grade… My mom gave me book full of words with only one picture that I clearly remember. It was a hand drawn picture of women’s midsection showing what it looked like to have a full grown bed of pubic hair. I’m telling you all this to explain that I was not taught about sex and was left to the miseducation of classmates at school.
The basics were:
Don’t get caught
Don’t get pregnant
Wear a condom
It took me a long time to learn these are the basics as established by the world. But this is not how God thinks about sex. He teaches us not to have sex outside of a committed marriage relationship. The key word is MARRIAGE! God made this rule as a safeguard for our souls and for many other reasons, but we don’t listen.
I didn’t listen.
I can’t even argue that I thought it’s ok to at least be in a committed relationship because truthfully I hadn’t even done that let alone participated in a committed marriage. I wanted my needs met without commitment, without drama, without connection. What I didn’t know was that these invisible connections were made regardless of I wanted when I crossed that line.
1 Corinthians 6:16-18 NIV
Do you not know that he who unites himself with [anyone outside of marriage] is one with [him or her] in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a persons commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
So I went through life “doing life my way because I thought that I knew better” than the One who Created me, my God, my father. I was being hard headed and doing the opposite of what His Word says. In my sin I was arrogant, ignorant, and oblivious to the consequences that were happening. In the realm of sex, Soul Ties are the consequence.
I was not simply giving myself to anybody on the street, but in my journey to find love and a lasting relationship, I went too far by having sex and making phsyical and emotional connections with men that neither I nor he had committed ourselves in a lifelong relationship of marriage with God at the center. The worst part is when I finally did find some one that I wanted to marry both he and I had Soul Ties and so much baggage that we did not know how to heal. It made our relationship impossible and unsuccessful, not to mention he became a soul tie as well.
A few years ago I made a friend with guy I worked with. The most beautiful thing about our relationship is that we are ONLY friends! He is a devoted Christian and the first man to want nothing more than to truly be my friend. God took me on a journey of cutting the soul ties in my life, healing my mind and body from the damage, and taught me how to be in a relationship with a man simply as friends.
The journey started during my last relationship. I was in a very low place in that relationship and this friend offered to take me to church. I was adverse when he first offered, but I soon accepted knowing that I could not repair what was going on in my life without help. This church was how God spoke truth, healing, and redemption into my life, especially about Soul Ties.
1 John 1:9 NIV
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us cleanse us from all wickedness.
I went to a class on relationships and heard this message, with an open heart, through a 5 week course called FORWARD. The whole premise of the seminars is to walk through a spiritual cleansing in 12 areas creating a clean person to walk this life as a Christian. After I learned all about what a Soul Tie is and how it was created I then learned how to break them.
Soul ties are not easily broken and one for me was harder than others. The last Soul Tie with the guy I truly wanted, the man I saw myself having a life with, the man I dreamed would be my great and wonderful husband and the loving father of my children – I struggled to let go of that Soul Tie. Instead of the bond being cut completely I wanted to repair the relationship. I wanted to have a friendship with him. But a relational cleansing was needed to break this soul tie. For the last 3 years, God has been helping me to maintain a healthy distance allowing me to disconnect.
This story is less about my sin and more about the glory of God. This is a story about how God created a girl, and gave her free will to do whatever she wanted to do in hopes that she would choose to be in relationship with Him. Instead, she chose a road that He did not have planned for her.
But He chose to love her anyway.
When she was was looking for love, affirmation, and affection, all legitimate needs, to be filled in all the most illegitimate places and ways from everyone, everywhere in the opposite direction of Him, He still loved here. He loved her and He had a plan to get her back; to have a relationship with her. HE HAD NOT GIVEN UP ON HER. He pursued her and even though she was orphaned, victimized, and dirty, when he finally found her he hugged her with open arms and she took his hand. FOR THE FIRST TIME, SHE KNEW THAT SHE HAD BEEN TRUELY FOUND.
This same Man was pursuing every one of the 1200 college students that I shared my story with in the Philippines. This same Man is pursuing you as well.
As you read this, people who are soul ties in your life probably showing up in your mind. Write down their names.
REPENT for the actions that caused the soul tie.
FORGIVE the person for the emotional pain they caused.
RENOUNCE the soul tie verbally.
BREAK the soul tie verbally.
ASK Jesus to heal you from the emotional wounds caused by the soul tie.
THROW AWAY everything that keeps the unhealthy connection alive and DISCONNECT from that person at a healthy distance.
Begin to make a plan as to how you will change that relationship as a follow-up and response to your prayers. This plan is how you move toward a renewing of your mind in Christ. For me, every time I thought of that person I sent up a prayer for him. I wanted to replace my connection with that person with connection ofJesus Christ instead. I also used my best friend as an accountability partner to talk through my feelings and to pray with me. Pray, think, and write down what this renewal process should look like for you and find a person to walk alongside you on the journey. And don’t forget God is alongside you always; lean into Him for His Presence, Truth, understanding and direction as you start to walk in healing.
