I’m not quite sure how to start this blog because honestly I don’t want to write it. I grabbed my iPad sat on my bed and held back the tears that filled my eyes as I started to think about what I needed to say in this blog.
I am sad because the Lord revealed something to my heart that I am still walking through. I wish that I was writing this blog saying that I have overcome my thoughts and have received victory but that’s not my story yet. I don’t want to take you through my battle while I am walking through it because it allows you to see my heart open and exposed but I know this is what the Lord is nudging me to do.
I have struggled with the first few months of the Race because so much time has been focused on my personal, emotional and spiritual growth and to tell you the truth that made me extremely uncomfortable. I have not been uncomfortable because I do not think these things are important, I actually think these things are extremely important. Before coming on the Race I spent a significant amount time working on myself. I spent the past year working on emotional healing, growing spiritually and digging deep into my past in order to find true freedom. On the Race leadership has prioritized these things, as I began the Race, I thought okay cool most of the things like, walking through healing and forgiveness, I have just worked on pretty extensively this past year. As each month has passed we continue to go deeper. I have found myself getting annoyed with the process. I couldn’t really figure out why I was so frustrated by it all because again it’s not that I do no see the value in it, it’s the exact opposite I believe that these things are vital.
One day while traveling from Belize to Honduras. I was sitting in a bus and the Lord asked me why I did not like to fundraise. In my head I felt like the answer was obvious, because it’s extremely uncomfortable to ask people for money. The next question the Lord asked me was uncomfortable. He said Raquel… “Do you think you are worthy.” I stopped and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know. I didn’t even have the courage to explore the question. As time went on I could not get the question off my mind and although I continued to try to avoid it the Lord pursued me. He said “Raquel, you are worth every penny, you are worth every dollar, and you are worth so much more than 18,200.” He asked me if I believed that he is a good father, and if I believed that He loved me enough to send me around the World JUST to show me He loves me. The thought of ALL of this, the fundraising, quitting my job, all the planes and busses, I could not imagine that He would do all of this just to show me how much He loves me. I cannot explain how thankful but also uncomfortable I was with receiving donations. It was overwhelming because I thought why would anyone want to give their money. So naturally I tried to do it myself. I saved up $10,000 to come on the Race but the truth is I cannot do this alone. Let me stop and say that every single donation from $1 to $600 has showed revealed to me the love of Jesus.
I realized that I was so annoyed with so much emphasis on my spiritual and personal growth because I did think that I was worthy of it. My belief was that people are not donating to me so that I have a great experience, and so that I personally grow. Fundraising has been an uncomfortable process for me because, I am used to giving not receiving. In my mind, I could receive each donation because it was not for me it is for others. This is how good the Father’s love for us is. He has sent me all around the world to share His goodness and in the process he is revealing just how much he loves me. Before this I was working and constantly pouring myself out to my families, I was giving, I was serving, the list goes on. When the Lord asked me to give it all up and go, I thought he was crazy. I did not just give up a job, time with friends and families. The cost is so much more than $18,2000. It cost me $10,000, it cost me a year’s worth salary by not working, precious moments and memories with friends and family. When I think about this trip, yes the total amount that we have to raise is around 18k but the cost is so much more because of that I came on the trip thinking, I cannot waste a moment and I need to make this worth it. I saw myself as a servant, I prided myself on the idea of “giving it all up,” for the kingdoms cause and while all that is true, what is realized is that I to am his daughter and if He to desires to for me to know that the same way He loves you, the orphans and widows, He to loves me! His desire for us is not to be like little workers, sacrificing and slaving away for the kingdoms cause. He doesn’t ask for us to give our time and money because He wants to take things from us. He is a father that desires for us live in freedom , desires for us to know our worth and desires that we know that we are loved.
Earlier I mentioned that the Lord asked me if I thought I was worth all of this, His answer was yes. That is the God we serve, He moves mountains to show us that He loves us. Think about this, he asked me to give up my job, to only take what I can fit in a backpack and to travel the world. The one thing I know for sure is that when He asked me to do this He had specific names, specific faces and specific people in mind. He knew who I would meet, who needed to hear His name …He shifted everything in my life to do this why? Because He LOVES every person that I will encounter and get the opportunity to share His love with. WOW! Just think about the mountains he moves to show you He loves you. He made the ultimate sacrifice because He loves you!
He is showing me that I am worthy. The same love that He has for you He has for me and every single person that I get to meet. I have experienced an uncomfortable amount of love on the World Race from the locals, leadership, my squad and my supporters. When the Lord asks you to give whether it is your time, your talent, your money, He is not doing it because he wants to take from you. I gave up all that I had and he is giving back to me in such big ways that I am having to learn how to receive it all because it is overwhelming.
I am currently at $12,171, the total amount needed is $18,200. I am $6,029 away from that goal. Partner with me by donating $1, $2, $100 and apart of what God is doing in my life and others. The Lord never asks you to give because he wants to take something from you, it is because he wants to give you something. Pray about an amount and trust him. Once you do, please share with me what the Lord does in your life because I promise you he will do something. Maybe you can’t give money, please support me through prayer. There is so much power in prayer, for you this may take giving your time. As Christians it is easy for us to tell someone, “I am praying for you,” or “I will pray for you.” The real challenge is sacrificing our time to actually pray for each other.
As always, thank you so much for following my journey and reading my blogs. An extra special thank you to my supporters! Thank you for being so generous and being apart of sharing the love of Jesus all around the World, you all are the real rockstars.
Xoxo,
Rocky
