***Disclaimer: I wrote this blog Sunday night but didn’t post it. This morning, an anonymous donation of $300 appeared in my account, and a few more people have pledged to donate since then. I decided to go ahead and publish this because I want to be open and honest about the struggles I have faced while support-raising and the doubts that come with those struggles.
But we serve a powerful God.
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”
Mark 12:41-44
Sunday, September 22nd, 2013
Four days away from my first deadline, and still $1,800 away. There are too many thoughts going through my mind, and too many emotions happening all at once. Confusion. Anger. Sadness. Helplessness. Discouragement. Wonder. Hope.
I thought fundraising would be easy. When I got accepted to The World Race, I pictured myself handing out support letters, sending out messages, and seeing the numbers increase in my fundraising account on the daily. I pictured myself reaching $15,500 way before January, and I pictured people patting me on the back going “Oh! You’re going on The World Race? Cool! Here’s $100.” Reality check: it doesn’t really work that way.
But I want people to know that they don’t have to donate $50 or $100 to make a difference. In fact, if everyone on my facebook friends list donated $10, I would almost be fully funded. What’s $10? It’s two visits to Starbucks, or one drink at a bar. Nothing. The widow in the Bible gave two coins and her gesture meant so much more than those who poured out greater amounts of money into the temple. Don’t feel like you can’t make a difference because your paycheck isn’t big enough or you cannot donate a big amount. I know the feeling, because I used to be on the other side –the side that receives support letters left and right. I remember feeling bad because I wanted to help my friends, but at the same time I didn’t want to help them because I knew I couldn’t give them a generous sum of money. I knew that if I were to donate, I could only give $5 or $10 because I didn’t have a job and I couldn’t afford to spare more. I felt so much shame about giving someone $5 or $10 that I usually sent back a “Sorry, I can’t support you at this time, but I’ll pray for you” message or simply ignored their letter and tried to forget about the fact that they had asked me for money in the first place.
It’s humbling to be on the other side.
I’ve realized how much a little bit of money can do and how many times we let our finances shame us. We should not be defined by the number in our bank statement.
A few weeks ago a friend messaged me asking for support. I am short on my own support-raising too, and was about to respond with a “I’m sorry, I am support-raising and I might not be able to help you at this time” when another thought struck: it’s not my money, it’s God’s. So I donated. It wasn’t much; it was $10, but I know those $10 are glorifying God better than they would have in my bank account (half of that money probably would have been gone in a tropical guava smoothie at Blenders or something).
We should not be defined by the number in our bank statement, just like us support-raisers should not be defined by the number in our fundraising account. Countless times this week I have felt unworthy, because I am days away from my first deadline and I am still $1,800 short. I keep thinking that maybe I’m not praying enough, that maybe I’m not trying hard enough, that maybe I’m not ready, that maybe my faith isn’t as strong as it should be, or that maybe God changed His mind about wanting me on the World Race. I keep seeing my squad-mates post about how they received anonymous donations, and I keep checking my account half hoping to see an anonymous donation for the exact amount I need. I keep seeing people rejoice because their family helped them reach their deadline, or they held a big sale that brought in a lot of money, or that their church helped them organize a fundraiser, and I sit back with my throat in a knot thinking that maybe I’m doing something wrong. But I am not defined by the number sitting on top of this site marking my support-raising progress. I am not a number. I am a daughter of the King. Not a number… no, not even close to that! Rather, a human being that was thought and planned and crafted by the Creator of life and put in this world for a reason. And that same King and Creator has called me to explore this playground called Earth and show people around the world that we are not defined by earthly things. God has called me, and I will go.
And so we continue steadfastly in prayer.
God’s been known to perform some quite fantastic miracles.
