“Everyone else might think I’m crazy.”
“I’m not sure if it really came from God.”
“I don’t want to draw attention to myself.”
“Now is not the time.”
These are the things I used to tell myself.
At the end of last September, still one of the new guys on the Race, I had the opportunity to attend the very first Awakening Conference. The conference marked a change in my life.
The last few years I was in church I felt God really putting things on my heart; things that needed to be spoken.
I constantly kept these things inside, not knowing where they were from.
I had several people pray over me at the Awakening. I know this problem was there, and this was the only way I knew how I could deal with it.
Each time someone would pray for me in that area I would feel the need to vomit. It was like there was something inside me that needed to come out. And there was.
That night we had a night of continuous prayer with our squad. Again I felt like something was in me that needed to come out.
It finally did. Once it did, there was no stopping it. Once my mouth opened to speak out the things that God had spoken to me there was no way of keeping it shut.
I finally felt an ease in my stomach. No longer was there something in there that waited to come out. It was out. I realized that all of those lies I had been telling myself were not true. People were actually glad to hear what God had put on my heart.
Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him,
Nor speak anymore in His name.”
But His word was in my heart like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding it back,
And I could not.
Jeremiah 20:9
