Yooooo what’s up guys! Miss me yet? Sooo training camp! Let me tell you! It’s highkey intense! But so good!
So I flew in on Thursday took a very long van ride to the camp place and it was happening we were here lol. But in all seriousness though it’s been so good to just be surrounded by so many good people and have such good community and be surrounded by people who can speak truth to me without even having to ask for it. They have healing words from our Father for my unexpressed hurts.
HONESTY TIME?????? so before coming here I was mentally just not in a good place. Before college I was really isolated and lonely and I always said I hated people, which reflecting on it now was just my way to feel less hurt from the rejection and loneliness I was feeling. But through the work He’d done in me during college He really cultivated in me a deep desire and need for community. Which I probably always had but had masked. So graduating (even though it’s totally a blessing) was really hard. Illinois Tech/Chicago is the place the Lord met me. The place He showed up and told me I was His. He called me chosen. He called me loved. He called me redeemed. He spoke these truths over me, I read them in His word, and not only that He put so many people around who displayed His unending love and grace to me on a daily basis, and I never had to prove my worth to anyone. God loved my friends first and they mirrored His love to me. Between my friends in Cru, Athletes in Action, and my church family I was surrounded by people who built me up and never tore me down. I got to know so much about who the Lord is and who He says I am. I learned to walked confidently in my identity as a child of God.
I knew coming home would be hard but I don’t think I could’ve predicted how hard it would actually turn out to be. Satan was ready for this more than I was because I had a lot of confusing emotions I was thankful to the Lord for giving me such wonderful friends/family/and community over the last 4.5 years but I was also really angry because He took it away. It was all gone really fast and I just felt like I didn’t have anything at home. I was lonely. I didn’t have a church. I didn’t have friends. I didn’t have a purpose. Satan was just yelling at me everything that I didn’t have and I just had so much doubt. Like what am I even here for you know?
But back to why I’m so thankful to be here. Because the Lord is faithful. I know that this isn’t forever I won’t always be surrounded by people who love the Lord and have surrendered their lives to Him. I won’t always be in community with people who want to know me deeply and intimately. I won’t always be known. I know that. And that’s okay. But being here is 1. A great break from the depression I was sinking into really quickly. And 2. The Lord has been using my squadmates and leaders to speak truth over me now that I can take forward even after this trip because the word of God is eternal.
I could tell you guys about all of the things I’ve been learning but I’ll hold off for a bit. Just know I’m doing well?? and I’m excited for the Flight to Nepal on Monday!
Prayer requests
- To not believe the lies Satan feeds me. Even while I’ve been here I’ve been tempted fall into comparison and even just having anxiety and just not feeling like like enough. Doubting myself and my ability to communicate with my team or express myself or just blend well with them. Y’all know I have a tendency to be quiet or reserved and I hate it sometimes because it keeps me from speaking up even when I want to
- Squad bonding and vulnerability. They’ve been great so far and I think our squad is perfectly matched tbh so I think it’ll be good and fun to see how the Lord continues to grow us together as we serve others and each other
- Safe travels!!!
