So friends, I’ve been home for just over a month now. They prepared us for all that life at home could potentially be. I expected to break down in bread aisles, cry at America’s excess, and judge people a lot. I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find that those things have not defined my transition home (except maybe judging people…but only sometimes).
I didn’t even cry at the end. I didn’t cry at final debrief, I didn’t cry when I said goodbye to my squad, I didn’t cry when I saw my family for the first time in a year. I never cried. To this day I still haven’t cried for any of the reasons I thought I would be beside myself. And for a while I thought I was doing something wrong.
I started thinking things like “Am I avoiding my emotions?” or “Did I even experience anything real this year?” The enemy quickly moved in to play on my insecurities.
But y’all, the Lord is good.
He is good because He has absolutely poured His grace out over me in this season. He has allowed me to smoothly transition back into life at home. He’s been present and faithful in my quiet times, even when I don’t necessarily “feel” Him. He’s been actively convicting me of sin in my life (like that pesky judgement that comes up all too often). He’s been leading me into uncomfortable situations that cause me to depend on Him in the ways that I learned to depend on Him during the Race.
That’s when I could cry. I cry when I think about how good He has been in this season. It overwhelms me.
Please don’t get me wrong, it’s been hard too. It’s been hard in ways that I didn’t even think it could be. Family is hard. Friends are hard. Social situations are hard. I’ve had to face the ugly side of me more times than I care to admit because of the way I interact with my family and friends.
But I think that is a beautiful thing.
It teaches me that I need Jesus just as much at home as I needed Him all around the world. And it shows me that He is just as faithful to transform my heart in Nebraska as He was in Africa, Asia, and Central America.
The World Race did not make me a perfect person. I am not a super Christian who always says, does, and thinks the right and righteous things. I’m still a messed up sinner, desperately in need of Jesus – more so than any other time in my life. Coming home has made me realize how hopeless I really am without the Gospel. I’m not kidding, I can’t even function in society without Jesus. I’ve recently prayed prayers like “Jesus, please help me not be socially awkward.” (#vulnerability).
The Lord has been so evident in my life since returning to the States just over 5 weeks ago. He’s led me to some incredible places, placed me around amazing people, and even let me spend time with my World Race family once more. But those are stories for next time.
Since I’m going back out on the field with Adventures in Missions, I will continue blogging here. Yay!
I’m going to Uganda for 3 months in January to focus on women’s ministry. Read this blog to hear more about that. If you would like to support me financially, you can do so by clicking the Donate link on this page. Much love!
