We’re constantly told not to set any expectations for the World Race. Not for training camp, not for a certain country, not for ministry, not for day-to-day life. While it’s easy to say, “Yeah, okay cool, no expectations. Got it” I’m willing to bet we still have expectations whether we realize it or not.
So even knowing that, I’m really starting to try to rid myself of the expectations I have formed about how I want the World Race to go. I’ll admit, I’ve read way too many blogs about training camp. I know too much about some of the things we are put through, and I wish I didn’t know them. I’m actually hoping they change a lot at our training camp simply so I can experience training camp as it was intended – having no idea what’s going on.
As far as the World Race itself, I’ve come to the decision that I’m only expecting one thing.
I’m expecting God to break me. Not only am I expecting it, I’m inviting it.
What does it mean for God to break me? It’s probably as scary as it sounds. I don’t quite know because I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to a place of true brokenness thus far into my life.
I just finished reading Seth Barnes’ book titled Kingdom Journeys: Rediscovering the Lost Spiritual Discipline. In case you didn’t know, Seth Barnes is the guy who started Adventures in Missions, which is the organization the World Race is through. In his book he outlines the three stages of a Kingdom Journey: Abandonment, Brokenness, and Dependence.
Brokenness is the point where you feel like you just can’t do it anymore. Where you’re ready to give up and go back to the comforts of home. Where you can’t stand to witness a single more injustice in the world. Where you think you’re going to lose it at the next person in your community to say something to make you uncomfortable. Where you just want to be done.
It’s the place of brokenness that I’m asking the Lord to take me to. Why on Earth would I ask for that?
Because of what comes next: dependence.
When it comes down to it, my only expectation for the World Race is for God to change me. To change me, He has to break me. He has to get me to the place where I have nowhere to turn but to Him, so that I can learn what it means to truly depend on Him.
There is an easy way, and there is a hard way to this place. I can put up a fight, desperately trying to hold on to control, comfort, depending on myself and only myself, basically clinging to the person I used to be.
Or,
I can dive in from day one. I can surrender all of my plans, my expectations, my comforts, everything I see as “mine.” I can embrace the messiness but incredible beauty of a raw, authentic community. I can choose to feel the emotions that arise instead of pushing them away like I’m accustomed to doing. These are the emotions that will lead me to the state of brokenness and then dependence that I desperately desire.
So I want to be broken. Broken of my selfishness, my desire for approval, my dependence on material things, the idea that I know what’s best for me, thinking I have the right to be comfortable or safe, my recurring struggles with sin, my lack of trust in God’s plan for my life, my pride, my lack of confidence in who God created me to be, my struggle to let go and be joyful, my judgmental and critical nature, my shyness, my defeatist attitude, my lack of dependence on the Lord, and so much more that hasn’t even been brought to the surface yet.
Please join me in praying for this brokenness. I truly believe we all need to get to this point at some time in our lives so we can learn what it really means to follow God. I don’t want to be 70 years old and realize I never figured that out.
Father, thank you for this Kingdom Journey you have called me to. I pray that, from day one, you would help me embrace everything you have for me. Help me feel the emotions that arise for witnessing first hand unspeakable poverty, illness, injustices, and difficulties. Help me to dive into the community you have set for me on the World Race. Use these things, these situations, to bring me to a place of brokenness. Once I’m there, help me remember that I invited this because I know that you have great things planned for me. Don’t let the brokenness take me to a dark place of anger and resentment. Use it to lead me straight into Your arms, where I can learn how to fully depend on You. The World Race can’t change me, but You can. Please use this next year of my life to radically change me from the inside out. Amen.
